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Full text of "The Medium - March 29, 2004 (Vol. 30, No. 25)"

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The Voice of the Univers 



A week of 
awareness 

By Masha Skvirtchak 

Although the current political situa- 
tion in some Islamic countries is 
unstable, UTM's Muslim Student 
Association (MSA) is working 
towards motivating the student body 
to learn more about the Islam world. 
Last week, for a period of three con- 
secutive days, the MSA celebrated the 
Islam Awareness Week in the Student 
Center. The goal of this event was to 
raise awareness on the principles of 
life. Islamic contributions to the 
Western world and other aspects of 
this culture. 

Each day of the event held a differ- 
ent theme. Tuesday, for instance, was 
responsible for Islamic History. The 
information, shown in the course of 
the event, was carefully researched by 
the MSA members and presented 
through visual aids. Participating stu- 
dents were given cards, consisting of 
five questions, which were based on 
the information presented by the 
MSA. If questions were answered cor- 
rectly, students were given free slices 
of pizza. 

To aid in finding the right informa- 
tion, volunteers and members of the 
MSA walked around the Student 
Center guiding the students towards 
different sections and answered any 
questions that students might have had 
in regards to the Islamic history. 
When asked about the purpose of 
suchan event, Ashiq Alibhai, MSA 
member and second year computer 
science student said, 

"We want to raise awareness. A lot 
of people have misconceptions about 
Islam." 

Wednesday's theme was Life and 
Death. Students were given the oppor- 
tunity to learn about Islamic views on 
these two topics. MSA members pre- 
sented the students with information 
on how life in Muslim cultures was 
celebrated and the significance death 

<^= Islam continued on page 5 



What''. 




Inside 




QUOTE, or Tf^El WE1£1K 

"It doesn't look like 

the ECSU board of 

directors has much unity." 

- SAC board of director, 

Walied Khogali 



f Toronto at Mississauga 




The Way You Move 




photo/Mehraan Pavri 
Three dancers in last week's 'His and Hers' fashion show strut their stuff for the show's Saturday night finale. Read the full story on page 4. 



Students question ECSU 
at Annual General Meeting 



By Adrian barer 

Although it was meant to review the 
past, much discussion was focused on 
the future of the Erindale College 
Student Union (ECSU) when it hosted 
its Annual General Meeting (AGM) 
last Wednesday. With ECSU elections 
looming on the horizon, statements 
made by both ECSU directors and 
audience members reflected the 
upcoming election and the candidates 
running in it. 

The AMG is meant to give ECSU a 
chance to tell its members what it has 
accomplished over the past year while 
giving its members a chance to ask any 
questions about the council's opera- 
tions. Additionally, ECSU presents its 
audited financial statements at the 
meetinc 



For the meeting, ECSU executives 
and directors sat in a row at the front of 
the Student Centre board room. The 
entire ECSU council was present, 
included President Adil F. Mirza, VP 
Finance Sean O'Connell, VP 
Administration Pooja Jadwani, Clubs 
Commissioner Jon Lee, College 
Affairs Commissioner Melissa Shaw, 
Special Projects Coordinator Jason 
Borchenko, Services Coordinator 
Katherine Kormos, and two 
Advertising Coordintors, Dana Kawar 
and Ryan Carrol. 

The meeting began with each direc- 
tor making a short speech about what 
work they have accomplished this year. 
While most ECSU executives and 
directors had positive things to say 



c^ Audience continued on page 5 




photo/Mehraan Pavri 
Grilled by audience members are, from left: Mirza, O'Connell, and Borchenko. 



ECSU's future leaders 
speak at candidates forum 



By Adrian barer 

It seemed appropriate that the 
Erindale College Student Union 
(ECSU) held their All Candidates 
Forum in the Blind Duck Pub last 
Thursday as one of the most common 
points of discussion was the pub itself. 
At the forum, candidates running in the 
ECSU election got a chance to voice 
their campaign platforms to an audi- 
ence of politically inclined students 
and pub patrons. 

The Chief Returning Officer (CRO) 
of the election, Amy Richardson, 
opened the forum by laying down the 
ground rules and introducing each can- 
didate. From there, each of the seven 
candidates was given a few minutes to 
convince students to vote for them 
based on their past experience and 
future plans if elected. 

The majority of the candidates are 
fresh faces to the ECSU scene. Sean 
O'Connell and Jason Borchenko are 
the only ECSU veterans running in the 
election. Both are running for 
President. Newcomers Nadine 
Chandoo, Eric Palmitesta, and 
Domenic Lee are all running for the 
position of VP Finance. Lee was 
absent from the forum, however, and 
was later overheard saying that he had 
slept in. Lastly, Amanda Walker and 
Dana Kawar are each running for 
Advertising Coordinator. In addition to 



the candidates, two acclaimed ECSU 
members spoke at the forum. Vineela 
Kotharu and Zeeshan Baig were 
acclaimed to the positions of Clubs' 
Commissioner and VP Administration, 
respectively. 

After each candidate and the two 
acclaimed directors had given their 
brief speech, a lengthy question and 
answer period ensued. Much talk was 
made of increasing clubs funding and 
decreasing the expenses incurred by 
the Blind Duck Pub. 

Baig stated that he plans to increase 
the transparency of ECSU since they 
"have nothing to hide." He also made 
reference to shuffling around ECSU's 
finances because "ECSU has more 
money but SAC has had more events 
and given more money to clubs." 

Food service was another issue 
raised. Specifically, the take over of 
the pub's food service from Aramark 
by ECSU next year was cited as a 
potential way to increase revenues of 
the pub. When discussing the dire 
financial situation of the pub, several 
candidates mentioned getting rid of the 
pub rental fee, an idea that some pub 
employees later staled would not solve 
the pub's financial woes. 

Residence students especially may 
be especially receptive to an idea put 
forth by Palmitesia for a "tuck shop" 

c^ Candidates continued on page 5 



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4 Monday, March 29, 2004 



News 



Fashion for him and her 



By Adrian Barek 

Battle of the sexes was the theme 
at the 6th Annual Charity Fashion 
Show held at the Blind Duck Pub last 
Thursday. Everything from pink and 
blue spotlights to cross-dressing 
models carried the theme of boys and 
girls. The title of the show, 'His and 
Hers' set the tone for the gender- 
bending performances to come. 

A common sight throughout the 
show was females dressed up with 
suits and ties traditionally worn by 
men. As well, to the upbeat sounds of 
'Hey Ya', a troupe of guys danced 
and bounced around stage wearing 
mini-skirts, bras, and see-through 
tops. 

The event was put together by The 
Erindale Filipino Students 
Assocation (EFSA) in collaboration 
with Style and Profyle (SAP) and 
Caribbean Connections. It featured a 
wide variety of audio and visual 
effects including spot lights, a video 
screen, recorded music, choreo- 
graphed dance, a live rock band, a 
live hip-hop performance, and of 
course, models strutting their stuff. 

The ears of the audience were 
treated to music by Outkast, Black 
Eyed Peas, Beyonce, Justin 
Timberlake, Jay-Z, Mya, 
Evanescence, Britney Spears and oth- 
ers. The show also featured a wide 
variety of dance styles including hip 
hop, salsa, cha cha, break dancing, 
gymnastics, samba and several blend- 
ed styles. Among the sponsors who 
allowed their clothes to be show- 
cased were International Clothiers, 
The One Clothing Co., Independent, 
Guess, Unicus, Parasuco, MissThio, 
Fairweather, and Stitches. Tags hung 
noticeably from some of the clothes. 

The show played three nights. 
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and all 



money raised was donated to the Peel 
Region HIV/AIDS Network. 
According to one organizer, the total 
amount raised from ticket sales to be 
donated to charity is "at least $4000." 

According to one organizer, third 
year CCIT student Reggie Lamuza, 
the show got better with every night. 

"When the show started on 
Thursday the crowd wasn't into it. 
But as the Friday and Saturday shows 
came, the crowd got better and bet- 
ter," he said. "I think that happened 
because the models' performances 
got better and better as they built 
more confidence. The last night was 
my favourite." 

Audience members seemed uni- 
formly impressed by the show. 

"I thought it was well done. It had 
good choreography and there was 
great energy and action in the show," 
Christopher Sadowsky, a third year 
political science student said. 

A senseless act of mischief that 
could easily have killed the show on 
Friday has little effect on the enthusi- 
astic crown. A false fire alarm pulled 
on Friday during the second last 
scene cause the evacuation of 300 
people. Despite the untimely inter- 
ruption, everyone in the audience 
returned to watch the last act of the 
show. With sensitive sound and light 
equipment knocked offline by the 
fire alarm, a temporary solution of a 
CD player hooked up to an amplifier 
was used so the show could go on. 

"My favourite part of the show was 
that this year, the two clubs involved, 
EFSA and SAP, who have had a bad 
history, came together to put on a 
great show. Everyone had fun, we 
went out Saturday night and partied 
and it just shows that anything is pos- 
sible," said another organizer, third 
year CCIT student, Ceri Salib. 



ECSU election committee criticized 



By Adrian Barek 

With campaigning for the upcoming 
Erindale Council Smdent Union (ECSU) 
election in full swing, criticisms have sur- 
faced about how the student government 
runs the election. At the heart of the criti- 
cism is the ECSU elections committee, 
which some say is a source of bias and con- 
flicts of interest 

The election is governed by Chief 
Returning Officer (CRO) Amy 
Richardson, and her assistant. Deputy 
Returning Officer (DRO) Tom Krebs. 
These two figures moderate meetings and 
forums, approve all campaign materials, 
and may fme or disqualify candidates if 
they do not follow proper election proce- 
dure. If a candidate wishes to petition a 
decision made by the CRO, they may 
appeal it to the elections committee. 

If a candidate makes an appeal, the com- 
inittee listens to arguments fiom both the 
CRO and the appealing candidate. The 
CRO and candidate are then dismissed and 
the committee votes on whether to overrule 
the CRO's decision or let it stand In most 
meetings of the elections committee, the 
chair serves only as a moderator and has no 
vote or influence on the committee's deci- 
sion. In the case that the committee votes 
result in a tie, however, the chair shall be 
make the deciding vote. 

At both the ECSU Annual General 
Meeting (AGM) and All Candidates 
Forum held last week, the issue of a lack of 
impartiality in the election committee was 
voiced by members of the Students' 
Administrative Council (SAC). Among 
their complaints was that Adil F. Mirza, the 
current president of ECSU, is chair of the 
elections committee and is not performing 
this duty in an impartial manner. Speaking 
after the forum last Thursday, recently 
elected SAC VP UTM, Moneeza Ahmed 
detailed her concerns. 

"Usually I would not see a conflict of 
interest in having the president as the chair 
of the elections committee as this happens 



in a lot of student societies," Ahmed said. "I 
see this as a conflict of interest because he 
(Mirza) is known verbally to bash one of 
the presidential candidates who is not his 
friend Bashing and discriminating against 
a presidential candidate just shows you the 
lack of impartiality in the elections commit- 
tee chair (Mirza)." 

Mirza responded to these concerns by 
denying any favouritism among presiden- 
tial candidates and insisting that his role as 
chair of the committee has been an impar- 
tial one. 

"I challenge anybody to point out where 
I have not been impartial in my role as the 
chair of the elections committee. I would 
like to hear some sort of proof that I verbal- 
ly bashed (presidential candidate) Jason 
Borchenko. I do not feel that I have in any 
way made any judgement about who 
should be elected as president," Mirza said 

Paul Sorensen is a former UTM student 
who now studies political science at the St 
George campus. Asked whether he saw a 
conflict of interest in having Mirza as the 
elections committee chair, Sorensen 
responded 

"I think that it would definitely be better 
if the committee could be formed where the 
parties making the decisions were not 
firiends with or directly involved in the situ- 
ation being addressed. I think it might be a 
conflict of interest but it is hard to say. It 
would be better if they could avoid having 
him involved It seems to me that you could 
easily form a committee that would be 
made up of non-partisan people. Not that 
he is necessarily going to be making any 
decisions based on friendships, but it is pos- 
sible that he would" 

Regardless of Mirza's level of bias, if 
any, he is performing his role as chair of the 
committee in accordance with ECSU poli- 
cy. The ECSU Elections Policy Manual 
states that "The chair (of the elections com- 
mittee) is the current ECSU president who 
chairs the committee meetings and only 
votes in the case of a tie." 



The chair of the elections committee is 
not the only source of controversy sur- 
rounding the ECSU election. Both 
Richardson (CRO) and Krebs (DRO) are 
employees of the Blind Duck Pub. The pub 
is owned and operated by ECSU, and some 
believe that having employees of ECSU 
running their election constitutes a conflict 
of interest 

"The CRO and DRO work at the pub 
and I find that to be a conflict of interest 
because we are questioning the impartiality 
of the elections committee and its chair," 
Ahmed said. "The chair may coerce the 
CRO and DRO to make decisions that 
could unfairly benefit one candidate. That 
is why I find that to be a conflict of interest 
Since they work at the pub, their job or their 
pay cheque may be on the line if they make 
the wrong decision." 

Asked whether working at the pub and 
acting as the CRO could lead to unfair rul- 
ings, Richardson responded by pointing out 
that whether or not she works for the pub, 
she is employed and paid by ECSU to per- 
form her CRO duties. 

"As far as me working far ECSU, as a 
CRO I work for ECSU and they sign my 
pay cheque. Regardless that I work for 
ECSU in other factions, Tm still ultimately 
working for ECSU (as the CRO)," 
Richardson said. "I don't how that argu- 
ment (about conflict of interest) can hold 
water because regardless of what aspect I 
work for ECSU, whether it be the pub, the 
info booth or anything else, Tm still work- 
ing for them as CRO." 

Richardson also pointed out that she 
cannot vote on the elections committee, and 
thus any decisions made by her can be 
overruled This knowledge is not enough to 
convince some on campus that the election 
is free fiom bias. 

"Even if they are not voting membCTS (of 
the elections council), the CRO and DRO 
have a say as to what is going on. In my 
opinion it is biased" Nida Shams, a recent- 
ly elected SAC board of director said 



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News 



Monday, March 29, 2004 5 



Chun Memorial 



The Department of Mathematical 

and Computational Sciences is 

holding a memorial service 

for Samuel Chun who 

passed away in early February. 

It will take place on Thursday, 

April 1, 2004 at 5:00 p.m. in 

Room 2074, South Building. 

All are welcome. 



Candidates 

continued from front 

to be placed on campus so students can 
purchase the "bare essentials" on cam- 
pus. Having a store on campus is not a 
new concept, and for several years 
attempts have been made by various 
people to set one up but none have been 
successful. 

The overall tone of the forum was 
very similar to ECSU's Annual General 
Meeting held the day before. At both 
events, the audience was split between 
two groups; each intent on grilling a 
particular presidential candidate. On one 
side, a number of audience members 
grilled O'Connell on what contributions 
he has made to ECSU in his three year 
tenure, what his plans are for a better 
working relationship between ECSU 
and SAC, his role in the ECSU vote in 
favour of the athletics centre levy, and 
other sensitive. questions. On the flip 
side of the coin were audience members 
who grilled Borchenko over many of 
, the same issues. He was asked to list in 
detail the contributions he made to 
ECSU events he claimed to have 
worked on. whether he had actually sat 
on certain committees he listed, and his 
opinion on maintaining office hours. 

Islam 
Awareness 

continued from front 

carries. The event also raised aware- 
ness of other cultures and religions 
and how they tie in together. As 
Sara Saker, first year life sciences 
student, noted, 

"Muslim Awareness event shows 
similarities between all 

Monotheistic religions and other 
cultures." In the end of the day, 
students were given a chance to win 
small prizes during the raffle. 

"Muslim Awareness event 

shows similarities between 

all Monotheistic religions 

and other cultures." 

- Sara Saker 

Thursday, the final day of the 
Islam Awareness Week, carried a 
theme of Gender and Equity. 
Participants learned about the 
scarves worn by Islamic women as 
well as the rights that human beings 
posses in Islamic culture. 

Noted by many students, Islam 
Awareness Week was a highly edu- 
cational event. Adeel Vanthaliwala. 
member of MSA, pointed out, 

"Our goal was to try to show what 
Islam and its "history contributed to 
the Western World through mathe- 
matics, astronomy and other sci- 
ences in order to eradicate any 
stereotypes about Islam, portrayed 
by media." Islam Awareness Week 
proved to be a success in terms of 
educating students on different 
aspects of Islamic culture as well as 
providing free food and bringing the 
cultures together. 



Audience split at AGM 



continued from front 

about the work done this year, at least 
one candidate was adamant that the 
council could have done better. After 
speaking briefly on various events he 
worked on this year, Borchenko sur- 
prised all in attendance by stating, 

"I feel that ECSU could have done 
a lot better this year." When asked 
what needed improvement, 
Borchenko responded, "I think ECSU 
needs to be more involved in activism 
and the generation of new ideas. 
Things like tuition and the residence 
meal plan." 

The statements made by ECSU 
directors and executives were fol- 
lowed by a question and answer peri- 
od. During this period, the room was 
split between two groups of people. 
The first group grilled Borchenko on 
his work ethic over the past year and 
whether he had actually worked on 
the projects he claims to have. The 
second group focused their questions 
on whether Mirza is impartial in his 
role as chair of the ECSU elections 
committee and whether O'Connell 
was presenting a detailed enough pic- 
ture of the organization's financial 
statements. In response to a question 
of his role as chair of the elections 
committee, Mirza said, 

"In no way are my personal feel- 
ings attached to this election. I sit as a 
chair for the committee and I have 
maintained impartiality throughout." 

Asked how he felt about being 
questioned repeatedly by audience 
members to detail his work with 
ECSU, Borchenko replied, 

"I feel it rightly so (that I was ques- 
tioned). I feel people have every right 
to grill ECSU on what they have done 
this year because I think as a whole, 
including myself, better things could 
have happened." 

A former ECSU Advertising 
Director, Ann Gobran, was in total 
agreement with Borchenko's state- 



ment that he could have done better. 
Speaking several days after the AGM, 
Gobran said, 

"If ECSU could have done more it 
was his (Borchenko's) fault that they 
didn't. He was special projects direc- 
tor, he was the one who was supposed 
to be organizing special events. '] 

The issue of clubs funding was one 
repeatedly brought up during the 
meeting. Recently acclaimed SAC 
board of director, Walied Khogali, 
was especially vocal at the meeting; 
speaking up on such issues the AGM's 
time change, Mirza's impartiality, and 
more than anything, ECSU's level of 
club funding. 

"ECSU set aside $5000 for club 
funding. I see this is only 2.9 per cent 
of your budget. How do you justify 
only spending 2.9 per cent? Isn't 
ECSU supposed to be a principle 
source of club funding?" Khogali 
asked while looking at the financial 
statements presented at the meeting. 
O'Connell responded to the questions 
by stating that the amount of $5000 is 
purely "financial" and claiming that 
ECSU assists clubs in other ways. 

"That percentage is purely finan- 
cial. When you talk about what ECSU 
does for clubs, there i.s more than 
that," O'Connell said. "When clubs 
book rooms in the Student Centre or 
use the pub, they get ECSU support. 
As well, ECSU subsidizes advertising 
in the Medium with the clubs comer." 

According to the AMG rules set 
forth by the moderator. Amy 
Richardson, audience members were 
only permitted to ask questions of the 
ECSU directors. Despite this, some 
managed to slip in comments as well. 

"It doesn't look like the ECSU 
Board of Directors have much unity," 
Khogali said, furthering this comment 
by saying that conflict appeared to be 
present within ECSU. 

Shaw responded to this comment 
by saying, "We don't have any con- 
flict, just a difference of opinion." 



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6 Monday, March 29, 2004 



MEDIUM 



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'Duck man' drowns? 



A few weeks back, I was scolded for making brash comments about political antics during election 
time. I loosely accused politicians of 'lying' or making promises that are not executed during their 
tenure. How could I have made such a statement without verifying my facts? Bad editor, bad. 
The Erindale College Student Union (ECSU) held its annual AGM and Candidates Forum - a 
chance for UTM to 'drill' current and future candidates. The one question that remains unanswered 
is 'why should UTM elect a certain individual as President, if he's 'failed' to fulfill his duties 
as Special Projects Director (SPD)?' 

Let's briefly take a look back into time. During his campaign for SPD last year, Jason 'Duck 
Man' Borchenko vowed to create excitement on campus by which the pub 'will no longer be 
that lame duck we all ignore.' He claimed that his involved on the Erindale College Council and 
Academic Affairs Council demonstrated his organization and talent. In his blurb in the Medium, 
Borchenko stated: "I'm planning to make the pub more accessible by reducing rental fees not 
only for clubs but resident (sic) as well." -"I intend to take student appreciation days and make 
them more than free pizza by putting the focusing (sic) on presenters like bag-o-trix and social 
welfare/environmental events. This combined with a working relationship with SAC and SC 
events will make every event on campus memorable and well-organized." 
The events were quite memorable, because I don't recall any of them. Honestly, how difficult is 
it to select a pub theme, and plan a creative event around that theme? Or to pick up the phone 
to order one hundred party sized pizzas? 
Instead, Borchenko wanted to be frugal ... he informed the rest of ECSU that he'd scrap the 
monthly Student Appreciation Days and allocate the money to execute student events instead. 
Whatever happened to those events? They must have been pretty 'memorable' because students 
can't seem to remember them. Borchenko should have used his experience on ECSU and as SPD to 
prepare him for the challenges and experiences as President. He had difficulty justifying his role as 
SPD because he didn't fulfill his responsibilities. Instead he pointed his finger at the rest of the 
council. How does he intend to exercise his power if he's elected as President? Will he take a pas- 
sive approach like he has in his current role? Perhaps there was miscommunication between 
Borchenko and the rest of the council. Why didn't he seek the help and guidance from the other 
members when they offered their services? 

"I feel it rightly so (that I was questioned). I feel people have every right to grill ECSU on what they 
have done this year because I think as' a whole, including myself, better things could have hap- 
pened." Where was the initiative and team spirit to make things happen? 
How does Borchenko expect to become an effective President? 



UTM needs real leadership 



Dear Editor, 

I'm not writing to cry about the 
acclaimed positions at UTM nor am I 
writing to whine about how SAC com- 
mission members are running for posi- 
tions on campus. I'm not writing to sug- 
gest student leaders for next year are one 
big clique either. 

It is about time that we had real leader- 
ship on campus. In my three years at 
UTM, I've seen our student leaders 
bickering with each other, refusing to 
work together for the betterment of this 
campus. As a result, we are overrun with 
problems and are in the position of dig- 
ging ourselves out of a deep, dark hole. 
As a SAC Commission member last 
year, I can confidently say that I speak 
for us all when I say we are frustrated on 
how student leaders have been running 
things. Particularly those who've been in 
leadership positions for years and 
watched passively as study space disap- 
peared, food quality decreased and inci- 
dental fees increased. You can, however, 
look forward to next year, our team of 
"super dedicated individuals" will do 
our best and work for UTM students. 

I can assure you that the students 
acclaimed as directors for SAC next year 
are people who will work tirelessly for 
UTM. Your VP UTM Monceza Ahmed 
also knows her stuff and will give 110 
per cent to UTM, as she has done this 
past year as a director. The future ECSU 
members are a great team and will not sit 
down and watch our campus go to the 
dogs. Your UTMAC directors are superb 



individuals who are extremely dedicated 
and will be sure we don't get ignored or 
taken advantage of yet again. 

As the future VP-Admin for UTMAC, 
I feel I need to set some points straight 
on behalf of my council. Contrary to 
what many people have stated in past 
articles, the acclaimed VP Finance for 
the upcoming year has no affiliation with 
SAC whatsoever. Also, the accusations 
being made that UTMAC is fully com- 
posed of SAC commission members is 
ridiculous. The only UTMAC members 
for next year who are also on the SAC 
commission are myself and Danial 
Raza, the other 6 out of 8 positions are 
people with little or no affiliation with 
SAC. I can also assure you that the team 
that will be running UTMAC next year 
is superb, as I have seen by having 
already begun working with them for 
next year. 

I suggest that instead of spending time 
writing to the Medium and complaining 
about what is going around campus 
the.se days and baselessly putting the.se 
people down, get-up and do something 
about it. Get your facts straight. At least 
SAC has something to brag about, and 
soon, UTM students will also. With the 
experience we have for next year, we 
now have student leaders who will work 
to make a difference and make UTM a 
better campus for all. 

Sincerely, 

Nazia S. Khan 

SAC UTM Commission 2003-2004 

VP-Admin 2004-2005 




Medium Cartoonist Gone 
Mad? 



The 2nd Large regrets that 
there is no editorial cartoon 
this weeli. Erick Fournier, 
cartoonist (as shown in this 
picture)for the 2nd Large 
has been locked up indefi- 
nitely. Sources say he even 
made his own straight-jack- 
et. We'll miss vou Erick! 



ito/Browntown Saqtisira 



UTM responds to ECSU Forum 



Dear Editor, 

I am writing this article in response to 
the ECSU forum that was recently held 
this past Thursday. I am horribly per- 
turbed at the disgraceful innuendoes 
constantly directed at one of the presi- 
dential candidates, Sean O'Connell. 
It was "impUed" in a manner of words 
that O'Connell is prejudice and holds 
certain opinions about select groups of 
students. Those who know O'Connell 
realize the allegations don't hold any 
merit. I have had the pleasure of work- 
ing with O'Connell over the course of 
this year with relation to the pub and 
volunteered time on ECSU. He has to 
be the most straightforward open-mind- 
ed guy I know and for anyone to say dif- 
ferently shows their total ignorance of 
the true person that O'Cormell is. 

Anywhere that O'Connell goes, you 
can see the good that he brings out in 



people and how he manages to raise the 
integrity of any group, committee, or 
people that he associates with. 
O'Connell has shown a great concern 
for the student body and the direction in 
which they are headed above and 
beyond the call of duty with ECSU. He 
views the school as a tight community 
where everyone should work together, 
so for someone to accuse him of being 
prejudice and ripping the school apart 
with those views is absolutely ludi- 
crous. 

O'Connell deserves an apology 
because he is a leader in celebrating 
diversity at UTM. This campus should 
be about embracing diversity, not accus- 
ing people of trying to take that away. 



Ryan Carroll 

Second Year History and Management 
Student 



Dear Editor, 

I wanted to comment on the allegations 
made against Sean O'Connell at the 
ECSU Candidates Fomm on March 25. 
Moneeza Ahmed (newly elected SAC VP 
UTM) accused Mr. O'Connell of being 
prejudiced against Muslim people. I 
would hope everyone would dismiss the 
false accusations against him as it's noth- 
ing more than slander. I do not know why 
anyone would want to smear his good 
name, but it is regrettable. 

O'ConneU has been a colleague of mine 
for the past 3 years, and over this period of 
time I have come to develop a deep sense 
of respect for him. I have never met any- 
one with more .honesty, integrity and 
good-will towards those around him. Sean 



has been an inspiration to everyone he 
works with at ECSU, and always brings 
out the best in those around him. As a 
Muslim myself, O'Connell has always 
treated me with nothing but respect, and I 
am insulted that someone would hurt him 
in this manner. 

I do not appreciate people making false 
accusations against any member of my 
staff. I am tmly embairassed that a student 
"leader" would have the audacity to make 
such claims, and would hope that Ahmed 
would issue an apology to Sean, as public 
as her allegations. 



Cordially, 
AdilF.Mirza 
ECSU President 



The 2nd Large Is published weekly by Medium II Publications, a mutli-milllon dollar student organization. The 
opinions expressed within are those of the writers and editors reflect those of The Large II Publications. The 2nil 
targe's mandate includes writing bullshit to Inform students of local and national concerns, and giving Erindale 
College a set of balls April Foolst 



Dear Editor, 

After watching the ECSU election 
forum last Thursday, I felt the need to 
comment on the state of the elections. 
To begin, you have Zeeshan Baig 
acclaimed for the position of Vice- 
President Administration. Reading what 
he wrote in his blurb last week and his 
performance (or lack of) at the forum, I 
don't think he has the slightest clue of 
his role as VP Admin. He talked about 
ECSU's finances. What poor Baig does- 
n't realize, is that he isn't running for 
VP Finance. In fact, he managed to talk 
about almost everything, except what he 
is supposed to be doing next year. What 
really made me laugh was how he did- 
n't an.swer a single question at the 
forum. Every time someone asked him 
a question, he said something irrelevant. 
Another acclaiination who wasn't pres- 
ent at the forum was Izanda Svilans, 
College Affairs Commissioner (CAC). 
Once again, I couldn't relate to her 
blurb. I suggest she finds out the what 
the job entails. 

I was very interested in what Nadine 
Chandoo, candidate for VP Finance, 
had to say. Apparently, she is going to 
extend the hours of the pub, decrease 
the amount of debt the pub carries, and 
lift the "veil of secrecy ECSU is infa- 
mous for." It's interesting that she 



wants to decrease the pub's debt by 
extending the hours - causing the labour 
costs to go up. So how exactly does this 
benefit the pub? It makes me wonder if 
she even knows how to create a budget. 
Speaking of which, has she ever gone to 
the ECSU office in order to look at their 
budget? Or is she just spouting bullshit 
with her claims of ECSU's "secrecy"? 
Then there's Dominic Lee. I'm glad 
you "GIVE a damn", but what are you 
going to do? It'd be nice if you were at 
the forum, so we would have had the 
opportunity to ask you questions. I think 
the biggest joke in this election is Jason 
Borchenko, running for President. I 
couldn't help but laugh when I heard 
what he had to say. He hasn't even run 
one event this entire year as Special 
Projects Director. Really, he hasn't 
done anything for ECSU or for the stu- 
dents. I'm curious why .student dollars 
are being used to pay him this year. I 
don't think he has any idea of the role of 
ECSU President. Borchenko claims he 
will make the pub debt free. 

Exactly how does he plan on accom- 
plishing this? Did Borchenko ever stop 
to realize that every student-run bar at 
colleges and universities in Ontario is in 
debt? An example of this is "the Cage" 
at Sheridan, which gets a direct student 
levy, yet is still supported financially by 
the student union. He also claims that 



Dear Editor, 

I attended the forum for the ECSU 
all Ccindidates meeting on March 25 
2004. I am very interested in what 
goes on in the Student Centre and I 
enjoyed working with all of the ECSU 
Council Members this year. Each year 
I meet new people and found out that 
we have a wonderful diversity here at 
the University of Toronto at 
Mississauga. I find the students to be 
so very nice, polite and considerate 

At Thursday's meeting, someone 
made accusations that O'Connell 
showed a lack of integrity and honor 
and implied that he was prejudice. I 
was shocked at this due to the fact that 
O'Connell always goes out of his way 
to please those around him. 
During my year and a half working in 
the ECSU office, I have seen 
O'Connell go out of his way to be 
friendly and helpful to all of the stu 
dents. O'Connell has a lot of Integrity 
and is a very honest person. He is def 
initely a people person and has 
respect for everyone. 

I think an apology is owed to Sean 
O'Connell. 
Regards. 

Linda Feener 

Office Administrator 

Erindale College Student Union 



he "was one of the leading forces in 
gaining the new 24 bus route," which is 
an express route from UTM to Square 
One. It's funny how Moneeza Ahmed 
(who just got elected for SAC VP 
UTM), Gengiz Seyhun (current VP 
UTM) and Mohammed Hashim (previ- 
ous VP UTM) all claim the exact same 
thing. Although Mr. Hashhn did have a 
small role in this, it was actually My- 
Linh Nguyen (Mohammed's predeces- 
sor) who managed to extend the 
Mississauga Transit routes at UTM. It's 
unfortunate that these people are trying 
to steal the credit for her incredible 
efforts. I'll wait for Borchenko to con- 
sult with SAC before he has a response 
to this. 

What bothers me most about these 
elections is when someone falsely 
accused Presidential candidate Sean 
O'Connell of being discriminatory 
against certain peoples. In the years I 
have known him, O'Connell has always 
carried himself with integrity and 
decency. Such outright slander is offen- 
sive to the UTM community. Shame on 
you Ahmed! 

Once again, the ECSU elections have 
been plagued with dishonesty, dirty tac- 
tics, and intense amounts of student 
apathy. 

It's unfortunate that at a campus with 
so many capable leaders, very few of 
them are willing to step up, and in.stead 
we have to deal with people who seem 
quite clueless. It's sad to see UTM in 
this state of affairs. 



A. Holland 
UTM Alumni 



The Medium 



Monday, March 29, 2004 7 



Arts & Entertainment 



A unique finish to Hart House 



By Sabrina Baldini 

The last theatre production put on this 
season at Hart House Theatre - absurd 
one-acts The Bald Soprano and Jack or 
■the Submission - is certainly unique. 
While the performances of all actors 
were energetic, creative and enjoyable, 
it was hard to ignore the complexity of 
the material that they were working 
with. 

The Bald Soprano, which drew the 
most laughs, was a bizarre but thor- 
oughly enjoyable take on human rela- 
tionships in social situations. The per- 
formances from all the actors were bril- 
liant. Emily Wood and Anthony Reid. 
who depicted Mrs. and Mr. Smith, were 
not only successful at being funny, but 
also at achieving a fine chemistry and 
stage presence together. 

Lawren Taylor and Nicole Jewinski 
were humorous as a couple that are 
acquainted through comical circum- 
stances and bizarre "coincidences." And 
Danielle Meierhenry as the unconven- 
tional maid and Scott Gorman as the 
Fire Chief both gave refreshing and 
eccentric performances, which truly 
brought more life and comqdy to the 
overall play. The performances, writing 
and casting in 77;f Bald Soprano were 
all excellent, making the play itself fun 
and truly the highlight of the evening. 

Jack or the Submission, however, 
was more complex and more difficult to 
understand. Danielle Meierhenry, who 
portrayed Roberta "the bride" generated 



the most laughs during the play. She 
was a confused unwilling bride-to-be 
who is offered to Jack by her uninten- 
tionally cruel parents. 

While the characters of Father Jack 
(Kevin Busch) and Mother Jack (Sara 
Pedrosa) were enjoyable, they were 
also confusing and somewhat one- 
dimensional. The character of Jack, 
however, carried much more complexi- 
ty and was far more entertaining as a 
son displeased with his surroundings 
and his family alike. The actors gave 
strong performances. But judging by the 
material and overall content of the play, 
the rarely performed Jack or the 
Submission appeared exactly that - 
inexecutable. 

The comedic avenue struggled as 
well as the plot and the rare comedic 
occurrences were not enough to save 
this play. 

The dancing in both the plays cannot 
be overlooked. The choreography was 
exceptional and bracing as well as fit- 
ting to the context of both plays. It 
boosted the energy and life of the plays. 

Overall, each play was unique and 
well performed, but difficult to under- 
stand for anyone who is not familiar 
with Theatre of the Absurd. 



Ne.xl. Hart House Theatre presents 
The 9th Annual U of T Festival of 
Dance from April 1 to April 3. Call 
Hart House Theatre Box Office at 



(416) 978-8668. 



Hanks a true Lady's man 




By Adam Do.mi nchini 

Academy award winners Tom 
Hanks and the Coen brothers high- 
light the cast and crew of the movie 
The Lady-killers. In this dark comedy, 
a remake of the original 1950s film. 
Hanks plays Goldthwait Higginson 
Dorr III, Ph.D., a brilliant and eccen- 
tric charlatan professor who ventures 
to New Orleans with scandalous inten- 
sions. 

The professor masterminds a river- 
boat casino heist with a gang of delin- 
quents including a clumsy explosives 
expert, a rigid general, a hired thug, 
and a quick-tempered "inside man". 
Their plan is to tunnel an underground 
pa.ssageway into the casino's vault and 
steal the 1.6 million dollars contained 
within its walls. 

To accomplish the crime, the pro- 
fessor rents a room in the house of a 
sweet, old, church-going widow 
named Mrs. Munson. Her house is the 
perfect headquarters, as the root cellar 
contains a dirt wall facing the river- 
boat they wish to rob - an ideal place 



to tunnel. To cover up their plan, the 
gang pretends to be a choir band, and 
use the root cellar as their daily prac- 
tice arena. 

Overcoming differences of opinion, 
the thieves manage to work together 
and pull off the heist. However, Mrs. 
Munson learns about their criminal 
ways and threatens to tell the authori- 
ties. Panicking, the gang decides to 
kill Mrs. Munson to remedy the prob- 
lem. Besides, how hard could it be to 
kill one little old lady? 

This unique film is dark, yet comi- 
cal and full of irony. The cast mesh 
perfectly with one another because 
their characters have a unifying 
naivety. This naivety highlights their 
inadequacies as effecfive thieves and 
progresses the story. 

Like many actors, Tom Hanks con- 
tinues to diversify himself with differ- 
ent, challenging and somewhat odd 
roles. The professor is no exception. 
And Hanks plays the part well. 
However, because of the imaginative 
script, do not be surprised if the ending 
leaves you a bit empty handed. 




Armenian Genocide subject of new 
deeply profound and personal work 



By Larissa Palaszczuk 

Life is cruel. 

Every person on earth faces certain 
problems and perceives each differendy. 
This is the moral of Araxi Arslanian's 
The Rogues ofUrfa. 

In this true to life tale of survival, 
Arslanian plays both herself and her 
grandfather, Hovannes, in different ages, 
different countries, and she deals with dif- 
ferent issues. 

She introduces herself as Hovannes. 
the "golden prince" of the Armenian city, 
Urta, before the disastrous genocide com- 
mitted by the Ottoman Empire. 

She then "transforms" herself into 
Araxi (herself) - as a child in the 1980s in 
Canada, coping with her brain disorder, a 
rare and life threatening lesion (AVM - 
Arteriovenous Malformations). This dis- 



order causes seizures and erratic behav- 
iour 

She jumps from story to story by re- 
enacting the seizures, growing older, and 
explaining the major events of the time. 

She tells the audience how she was 
kicked out of drama school for her behav- 
iour. 

It was mesmerizing to see a young 
woman reveal herself so openly and 
describe what it's Uke to survive these 
conditions. 

Survival obviously runs through her 
family's blood - her grandfather was one 
of few to survive the Armenian Genocide 
and his tale of survival was an obvious 
influence on her strength. 

It is hard to believe as well that humour 
could be a part of such hardship. 

But Arslanian made it clear that to sur- 
vive and be happy after such a struggle, it 



is necessary to "look at the bright side" of 
your problems, and understand that you 
are not the only one with such difficulties. 

Having to deal with her disease wasn't 
enough. Having to deal with ignorance 
was even more painful. 

Life is cruel. 

Arslanian's story teaches strength and 
power. 

1 highly recommend this play to any- 
one who is facing a problem; health, 
wealth or love - you will definitely have a 
lighter view on life when you come out of 
this play. 



Rogues Of Uifa runs to April 4 at 
Artword Alternative Theatre. Call 
(416)504-7529 for ticket information or 
visit www.artword.net. 



http://medium.sa.utoronto.ca 



HOME 




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Resume and Cover Letter Critiques: Tuesday, Mar 30, 10:00-4:00; Monday, Apr 5, 10:00-2:00. 
Now That I'm Graduating, What's Next? Mon Mar 29, 12:00-1:00; Wed Mar 31, 10:00-11:00. 

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to view the postings. And sign up now for our last Summer Job Search workshop: April 1 3, 11 :00-l 2:00. 

CAREER CENTRE @ UTM www.utm.utoronto.ca/careers 



8 Monday, March 29, 2004 



Arts & Entertainment 



(Some of the) gang's all here to make another Smith cult classic 



By Jason Marsh Larouche 

Directed and written by Kevin 
Smith, Jersey Girl is a departure 
from his vulgar View Askew 
series, comprised of Clerks, 
Mallrats. Dogma, and Jay and 
Silent Bob Strike Back. 

Smith has gotten the comic 
books out of his system and deliv- 
ered a piece about fatherhood that 
tugs at the viewer's heartstrings 
and tickles the funny bone. It is 
also important to note that this 
film is devoted to Smith's father at 
the end of the movie, who died in 
2003. 

The film begins in 1994 and 
takes a look at the life of one 
Oliver "Ollie" Trike, a Jersey-born 
music executive living the good 
life in New York with his new 
wife, Gerty. These are played by 
ex-lovers Ben Affleck and 
Jennifer Lopez. 

After Gerty loses her life while 



giving birth to their new baby girl, 
whom Ollie names after his wife, 
the business-minded Ollie thrusts 
the parenting duties on his street 
sweeper-driving father (George 
Carlin). 

After a month of this, Carlin 
gets fed up and leaves the baby 
with Ollie at a moment's notice. 
This causes a domino-like chain of 
events that culminates at a press 
conference for Will Smith, whom 
Ollie verbally insults, along with 
the press, when the pressure of 
both parenthood and work get to 
him. 

Ollie is fired and forced to live 
with his father in Highlands, New 
Jersey. Seven years pass, and Ollie 
has cleaned up his act as a parent 
but still cleans the streets with his 
father due to his inability to find 
work because of his tainted reputa- 
tion. 

A chance meeting with a video 
store clerk named Maya (Liv 




Tyler), an e\cnt that gives him his 
confidence back, and a new shot at 
the big times forces Ollie to make 
the choice between the life he left 





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WATERPARK PROMENADE, 20 BAY STREET, SUITE 1205, TORONTO 




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behind and the life he has with his 
daughter. 

This is a heartfelt morality tale 
that is scripted beautifully. It is a 
realistic depiction of a widowed 
husband trying to come to grips 
with his loss and simultaneously 
raise his daughter, all the while 
longing to get his life back on 
track. 

Smith also keeps the chronology 
intact, such as Ollie getting fired 
because of Will Smith's press con- 
ference on the heels of his movie. 
Independence Day. 

The death of Ollie's wife is 
never forgotten. There are quirky 
moments that accentuate the plot 
with the right amount of comedy, 
some of them containing Smith's 
trademark sexual comedic situa- 
tions and in-jokes. 

The story never loses pace and 
maintaining a steady transition in 
the development of the main char- 
acters. 

However, unrealistic moments 
plague the film, such as how a city 
worker can afford Broadway musi- 
cals or private school for his 
daughter on his salary, and the dra- 
matic irony of Ollie getting parent- 
ing advice from Will Smith him- 
self. 

Having Will Smith in the movie 
just feels too much like a cheap 
plug for his own soon-to-be- 
released picture, /, Robot. Other 
than these drawbacks, the movie 
wins in terms of plot and dialogue. 

Affleck's acting ability is tested 
here, as his character has different 
behavioral shifts when dealing 
with the many relationships he has 
in this picture. 



With Ollie's father, he's a smart 
mouth, with Gerty, a loving father, 
and with Maya, a reluctant 
boyfriend. 

Affleck's comedic timing is 
excellent and his timidity at get- 
ting back into sexual relationships 
and speaking in front of a crowd 
are believable. His wide range of 
emotions carries the movie in the 
role of a man who does not yet 
know what he wants more in life: 
family or fame. 

George Carlin takes the stereo- 
typical grumbling father dissatis- 
fied with his son and softens him 
with the different relationship he 
has with his granddaughter. 

Racquel Castro, who portrays 
Gerty, is an admirable actress for a 
girl her age. Her use of wise- 
cracks, dialogue, and language is 
phenomenal and hilarious. 

Like the role reversal she plays 
when she catches Maya and her 
dad in the shower days after he 
catches her showing off her private 
parts to a boy who does the same. 

Castro and Affleck have excel- 
lent chemistry together, as well as 
with Carlin. 

As for Liv Tyler, the role of 
Maya is a departure for this Lord 
of The Rings elf. She displays 
great versatility in this movie as a 
lonely but attractive grad student 
who is as smart-mouthed as she is 
open about her sexual appetite. 

However, she seems to be Ollie's 
conscience in some cases. And the 
fact that most of the time she's 
wearing glasses while giving him 
advice, it's almost as if she's Kevin 
Smith's conduit to enlighten 
Affleck's character. 

The major let-down, however, 
comes in the first examined cela- 
tionship, which is Ollie and his 
wife. 

The intimate moments become 
tiresome, probably because of the 
failure Affleck and Lopez had in 
terms of chemistry in their last 
film, Gigli. 

The only saving grace in this 
relationship is the delivery room 
scene. Lopez's portrayal of a 
woman in labour and Affleck as a 
man who loses his wife unexpect- 
edly are beautifully done. 

Despite of its shortcomings, 
Jersey Girl is a great movie to go 
see with friends, lovers. ..and even 
family. It's worth going over the 
bridge to the Highlands to see how 
a fall from grace can turn out to be 
a fortunate fall. 





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Elections for Board of Directors: April 8, 2004 



The Medium 



Monday, March 29, 2003 9 



UTMAC 










fml^^ 



PRESENTS 





ANNUAi: 

THLETIC BA* 



Great Prizes - Dinner - Dance 





Friday April 1, 2004 at 

Pavilion Royale Banquet Hall 

Tickets $15.00 

Cocktails at 6:30 pm 
Dinner at 7:00 pm 

Purchase your tickets NOW at the UTMAC 
office Rm. 11 14 A (South Building) 



10 Monday, March 29, 2004 



The Medium 



Features 



Katimavik: discovering self and country 



By Karen Sue 

Like most university students, I've 
questioned the lack of direction in my life. 
I went through two and a half years of uni- 
versity focusing solely on getting that holy 
graU of a degree, without really consider- 
ing what I was going to do with it after- 
wards. With only a little more than a year 
left until graduation, my immediate future 
.seemed pretty set - go to school, and then 
figure everything else out from there - but 
that was until I heard of Katimavik. 

"Katimawhat?" is the most common 
response when I tell others about this 
unique experience. Katimavik is a govem- 
ment funded programme geared toward 
Canadians between 17 and 21 years of 
age. For nine months you and 10 other 
youths travel to three different communi- 
ties across Canada to volunteer at different 
non-profit organizations. At first, the idea 
of leaving home to work for free seems 
crazy. I assure you that my mental acu- 
men is perfectly intact, and I don't have 
any regrets. 

I've discovered the richness of 
Canadian culture after meeting people 
from Nova Scotia, Alberta, British 
Colombia, Quebec, Manitoba, Ontario 
and Saskatchewan - amazing people I 



would have never met otherwise. The vol- 
unteer placements teach you practical life 
skills, and give you a chance to work in 
places you might have never considered 
or had a chance to try. 

I'm currently working full time at a 
French immersion elementary school as a 
teacher's aide. I've worked with children 
before, but never in a French environment. 
Though I'm far from bilingual, my French 
comprehension and verbal skills have 
improved dramatically in the short two 
months I've been here. 

Besides from the French, I've also 
learned a lot about myself. I've come to 
realize that maybe teaching isn't the job 
for me, but it's a step in the right direction 
towards knowing what career I do want. 

Katimavik definitely isn't a holiday 
cruise. You sacrifice many of the home 
comforts: privacy, junk food and televi- 
sion. I haven't seen an episode of The 
Simpsons in over two months - D'OH! 
But since I've been deprived of these lux- 
uries, I've discovered that I really don't 
need them. Who needs to watch televi- 
sion, when you have 1 1 people in the 
house to talk with? I've laughed more 
with my fellow Katimavikers than I ever 
had at Homer's crazy antics. 

As cliche as it sounds, I feel like I've 



known these people forever: Michelle, 
Angela, Xuan, Carine, Tyler, Greg, Damir, 
Brent, Sam, Rob and our Project Leader 
Jamie. I can only imagine how life will 
continue after this programme is over in 5 
months. We do practically everything as a 
group, from volunteering at various festi- 
vals to hitting the bars on the weekend. 

Katimavik has provided me with many 
of my firsts, such as skiing, ice-climbing, a 
bluegrass concert, and watching two 
Anglophone boys fight over a French dic- 
tionary. And this weekend we're going to 
survival camp! Oh, and how many of you 
have ever tried cooking for twelve people? 
I can proudly say that I have; not to sound 
conceited, but it was absolutely edible. 
Yum! 

I'm donating my time and am not mak- 
ing any money besides the $21 weekly 
allowance and the $1000 bursary upon 
completion of the programme. But I can 
honestly say that I wouldn't exchange my 
time here for all the money in the world. It 
has taught me more than any textbook 
could have. There really is a big world out 
there to explore, so don't be afraid to take 
time off, and discover what it is you want 
to get from it. 

For more information on Katimavik. 
visit www.katimavikorg 




PARKING 
PERMITS 



TO AVOID LONG DELAYS IN SEPTEMBER YOU MUST ARRANGE FOR 
AND PICK UP YOUR PERMIT BEFORE CLASSES BEGIN. 

Permits go on sale July 5, 2004 

Ail available permits may be purciiased from the online application web page 
littpsV/parkinq.utm utoronto.ca or in person at the Parking Office. 

Payment Options 

• Online applications require online payment by Visa or MasterCard 

• In person applications may be paid via; Cash, Cheque*, Visa, MasterCard or Interac 
*Cheques returned by the bank are subject to a $75.00 service fee. 

Online permit applications 

• Applicants will be required to have an active UTM email account in order to log on to 
the application. 

• Permits may be picked up two business days after placing order, they will NOT 
be mailed. 

• Express pickup counter will be available. 

Permit Prices 

• General Unreserved All Day $462.44 

• General Unreserved Afternoon $345.75 
(Permit valid only after 3:30pm) 

• Reserved Lots 1 & 5 $633.75 

• CCIT Underground Garage $823.00 

• Resident Lots4B,5& 7 $551.00 

Have you thought about Car Pooling? Check out the web page. 
Please check the UTM Parking web page 

OFTEN FDR UPDATED INFORMATION 
WWW, UTM. UTORONTO.C A/PARKING 

University of TaRONTiii at Mississauga 
RnoM 3a93E South Bulidincb 
9a5.B2B.B254- OR 905.828. 393; 




JKant: Is manetf a dUrtif ward? 



By Diana Kowal 

Money and the handling of it has 
become one of society's most tabooed 
subjects, even more than sex or drugs. It 
is acceptable for friends to dish about 
relationships, yet it is considered bad 
manners to ask how much a person 
makes or how much they have spent on 
purchasing something. People are 
embarrassed by .the mere mention of 
money, whereas in the same breath 
they'll recount a horrifically detailed 
play-by-play of the date they had last 
night. Why are we afraid of finances? 
We know that lack of knowledge 
makes one feel uncomfortable, so let's 
get to know money a little better. 

In these times where youth have 
more and more money and very little to 
do with it, it seems odd that there is lit- 
tle or no proper education of fmancial 
responsibility. Students are especially 
targeted by credit card companies 
because they know that veiy few of us 
realize the responsibilities that are 
attached to credit. Instead, people see it 
as "free money," much like I did. How I 
miss those days of ignorance. I thought. 
"Now I can go on that vacation for 
reading week, or go and buy a new 
wardrobe. It can't be that hard to pay 
off, right?" And that, my friend, is how 
student debt follows you into adult life. 

With gimmicky credit cards sporting 
beer logos and sports team;?, and the 
television constantly telling you to buy . 
now and pay later, how can one leam to 
be financially responsible? Well, as 



with anything, there are books that can 
teach you. The only problem here is that 
our valuable time as students lends little 
or no time for extra-curricular reading. 
So then what? 

If you're lucky, your parents will sit 
you down and warn you of the evils of 
credit and bad money management. 
The problem here? Most adults are in 
the same situation as we are; they don't 
know that much more about being 
responsible with money. They have 
large debts themselves because no one 
showed them the ropes either. 

This brings me right into my next 
point, which seems quite profound if I 
do say so myself: why don't they teach 
it in school? I actually did some reading 
about money management, and it is 
extremely elementary - appropriate to 
teach at grade school levels. Don't 
believe me? 

Well, even though it may not be 
politically correct to discuss money, I 
will leave you with this one piece of 
advice: pay yourself first. This is the 
one lesson that reoccurs in all of the 
books I've come across on the subject 
of becoming financially responsible. 
Pretend you are one of your many bills 
that require payment each month - I 
Uke to call mine the Bank of Diana Inc. 
- making a payment of ten percent of 
your income into an investment. 

Next lesson? Well, I haven't gotten 
to that chapter yet. Why don't you 
check it out for yourself? And do it 
before money becomes a dirty word in 
your vemacular. 



JKant: JUtere JIiTgnatrjipapIp ga? 



By Tanaz Bhathena 

That's a question worth pondering 
upon. In fact the definition of "good" is 
no longer what it used to be. 
Traditionally, a good person is described 
as honest, trustworthy, loyal, kind, com- 
passionate, hardworking and generous. 
Every religion tries to encourage us to 
emulate these qualities. Goodness is the 
watchword of saints. But,- in a practical 
world, saints are considered to be either 
crooks or fools. 

Even in simple conversation, the word 
"good" is seldom used as an adjective. 
"That movie was wicked!" or perhaps 
"Coldplay rocks!" are more descriptive 
than "That was a good movie" or 
"Coldplay is a good band". The word 
"good" itself is supposedly antiquated, 
insipid and coloriess. The word "wicked" 
on the other hand, which is conventional- 
ly synonymous with despicable acts, is 
now a way of expressing enjoyment. 
Moving away from linguistics, the point 
is that what was once considered to be 
dangerous or bad is now exciting. Acts 
which were once looked upon with dis- 
dain are now a form of being "cool". 

But, why is that so? Since when did 
being nice become a crime? Maybe it can 
be traced back to the fact that nice people 
often finish last due to their idealism and 
naivete. Or perhaps it's due to the fact 
that no human being is perfect, so one 
who acts righteously is most probably a 
con-artist. The problem with being nice 
is the lack of honesty which comes with 
the trait. Have you ever been faced with a 
situation where you didn't tell .someone 
the truth just because it would hurt their 
feelings? Have you then complained 
about that person to someiiiK i. Kl ' Or 



have you flattered someone just to get 
their help on an assignment? If you 
answered yes to any of these questions, 
believe me, you're not alone. 

An honest answer is difficult for both 
the giver and the receiver. As long as the 
person on the receiving end benefits from 
such an answer, it must be given even 
though it may hurt at first. Honesty does 
not imply Cruelty. Do not make jests at 
someone else's expense just to upset 
them. Backbiting is even worse. It is 
probably one of the major reasons why 
nice people are mockingly called 
"goody-two-shoes". Backbiters are hyp- 
ocrites who simply don't have the gump- 
tion to come out and say what they are 
thinking to the person's face. Flattery is 
one instrument these people use to take 
advantage of others. 

But, flattery can be ingratiating if it is 
insincere. Most people are decent enough 
to help you out if you ask them politely. 
Sugary words and actions of affected 
"goodness" are absolute turn-offs. 
Nevertheless, what if an individual is 
genuinely making an effort to be good to 
others? The answer to this question is 
complex. It revolves around the issue of 
trust. Distinguishing between authenticity 
and duplicity is not an easy task. 

In a practical worid, few people would 
insist upon following the traditional code 
of goodness to a T. Those who were 
once innocent are now shrewder. They 
too have learned that being good has its 
own price. So here is some food for 
thought: Do .saints exist outside of reli- 
gious and political propaganda? Are we 
as individuals of the twenty-first cenhjry 
willing to believe that there are still some 
g«xl people out there? In fact, is it even 
wise to have such a hope? 




@(i(]^® ■&(!](§& 



ro^r^ 



VIBE presents 

This Thursday, aprll t - Doors open at 0:30p.m. 



f^ 




Features 



Monday, March 29, 2004 11 



Penguin parents share the workload of incubating eggs 



By Lauren Cummings 

A sleek Adelie penguin shoots out of 
the water. She collides with the ice bar- 
rier at the shore and plummets back into 
the frigid water. Other Adelies seem to 
fly from the ocean, some landing on 
shore, others falling back to try again. 
She swims upward, clears the ice barri- 
er, and flops on the beach. Some pen- 
guins preen by the shore, and others 
head for the colony. She shakes water 
from her feathers and waddles up the 
slope to her nest. 

Her mate lies atop a small pile of 
pebbles. He incubated their two eggs for 
fifteen days while she fed at sea. She 
calls to her mate on the nest and he 
stands up to greet her. He answers her 
call: GRA-ah-ah-ah-ah\ Bills touching, 
they point their heads skyward and 
voice the loud mutual call of the Adehe 
penguin. 

Adelie Colonies 

Adelie (a-DAY-lee) penguins breed 
in colonies on land from October to 
February, during the Antarctic summer. 
They spend the rest of the year at sea 
foraging for food. Environmental con- 
sultant David Ainley's definition of a 
penguin colony encompasses all 

Adelie penguins living within an 8- 
kilometre (5-nautical mile) radius. 
Colonies range in size firom only a few 
breeding pairs to 200,000 pairs. Young, 
non-breeding Adelies occupy the 
periphery of the colony and forage for 
food with the groups of breeders. 

Adelies exhibit strong natal philopa- 
try - they return to their birth colony to 
breed. Seventy-five percent of Adelie 
penguins nest within 180 metres (200 
yards) of their birth place. Researchers 
note that some tagged penguins nest 
within a metre of the previous year's 
nesting site. 



Nests and Courting Behaviour 

Males usually arrive at the colony 
first. A mature male chooses a prime 
nesting site, digs a small depression 
in the muddy ground, and places 
many pebbles around it. The male 
waits for his previous year's mate 
for up to five days. If she does not 
show up, he advertises his fitaess as 
a mate, wooing females with his 
loud ecstatic display. He points his 
bill skyward, beats his flippers 
rhythmically, and squawks louder 
and louder: GRA-ah-ah-ah-ah, GRA-ah- 
ah-ah-ah. 

Adelies are territorial penguins. They 
place nests just out of pecking range of 
the nearest neighbour - about 67-84 
centimetres (26-33 inches), centre to 
centre. Pebbles form the base of the 
nest. The male attracts the female with a 
large nest, and he courts her by bringing 
gifts of more pebbles, often stolen from 
other penguin nests. The Adelie pair 
estabhshes a bond and announces terri- 
tory with the mutual call. In the mutual 
call, the Addlies look up, hold their flip- 
pers at their sides, touch bills, and 
squawk or hum to each other. 

Breeding Behaviour and 
Copulation 

Female Adehe penguins first breed at 
age 3 or 4; males breed at 5 or 6 years 
old. Before initiating copulation, the 
male brings many pebbles to the nest, 
and bows to the female with each peb- 
ble presentation. She accepts the gifts 
and lies in the nest on her abdomen. 
During copulation, the male stands on 
the female's back. He waves his flippers 
and they touch bills. A brief touch of the 
cloacae (singular cloaca) and the sperm 
passes to the female. Copulation lasts 
about a minute. The Adelies repeat this 
many times in the weeks before the 
female lays an egg. 




Normally 
male and 

female pen- 
guins are indis- 
tinguishable, 
but during the 
breeding sea- 
son researchers 
identify the 
females by the 
muddy marks 
on their backs. 
photo/ web 
Egg Incubation 
Adelie penguins usually lay two eggs 
about three days apart. Incubation lasts 
35 days. The female lays the eggs, then 
goes to sea to forage for food. She for- 
ages for about two weeks. The male 
stays in the nest and incubates the eggs. 
Both Adelie parents have a brood patch: 
a fold of featherless abdominal skin. 
The penguin lies in the nest with its 
brood patch touching or covering the 
eggs to keep them warm. The male fasts 
for the two weeks he sits on the nest. 

The female returns from sea to 
reUeve the male on the nest. The Adelie 
pair reaffirms their mating bond with 
loud mutual calls. The male then goes to 
sea for two weeks and the female incu- 
bates the eggs. Toward the end of the 
incubation period the mates relieve each 
other at the nest every 1-2 days. 

Chicks: The Guard Stage 

The guard stage lasts about three 
weeks, from hatching to the time the 
chicks can be left alone. Newly hatched 
chicks weigh 80-90 grams (2.8-3.2 
ounces). Soft, dark-grey down covers 
the chicks. Adelie chicks younger than 
fifteen days cannot thermoregulate - 
they need to stay close to a parent for 
body heat, or they will freeze. After fif- 
teen days, a chick can leave the brood 
patch but stays in the nest close to the. 



parent. 

Chicks face many threats to survival 
and chick mortality is high. Chicks may 
starve if a parent is killed while foraging 
at sea and fails to return with food. 
Chicks may freeze to death when the 
brooding parent abandons the nest to 
forage if the other parent doesn't return. 
Young chicks become easy prey with- 
out their parents to defend them. Skuas, 
large hunting/scavenger birds, swoop 
into penguin colonies and carry off an 
egg or a chick. Clusters of nesting 
Adelie parents fend off flying skuas 
with squawks, pecks, and flipper slaps. 

Chicks: The Creche Stage 

The creche stage begins at three 
weeks of age and lasts until the chicks 
moult and go to sea for their own food. 
Chicks older than fifteen days can keep 
warm without the parent. Chicks con- 
gregate in creches, or groups, of three to 
thirty. Both parents are free to forage at 
sea to feed the hungry chicks. The large 
creches offer some protection from the 
cold and from skuas. Non-breeding pen- 
guins in the colony sometimes fend off 
skuas if they try to attack the creches. 

An adult Adelie returns from sea and 
stands at the nest site. The Adehe parent 
gives a loud mutual call. Penguins 
recognise each other by voice, and the 
parent's chicks separate from the creche 
and run to the adult. Sometimes other 
hungry chicks follow and a "feeding 
chase" ensues as the parent runs away. 
A pyarent's own chicks are the most per- 
sistent, chasing and squawking until the 
others have given up. 

The chick begs for food at the lower 
part of the parent's bill. The parent leans 
forward and the chick inserts its bill into 
the parent's bill. The parent regurgitates 
the food into the chick's bill. Parent and 
chick neither spill nor waste any food. 

The creche stage ends at the age of 



about two months. The chicks complete 
their first moult. Oily, waterproof adult 
feathers replace their down. The parents 
stop feeding the chicks, and the chicks 
gather on the beach. The young Adelies 
peer into the water and crowd on the ice 
at the water's edge. Encouraged by the 
adults jumping in, they follow. The 
chicks swim clumsily away from the 
shore. Leopard seals hiding under the 
ice shelf may attack. Fast swimming is a 
penguin's only defence. The group of 
young Adelie penguins swims out to sea 
for the winter. During the winter they 
feed at sea and ride the Antarctic ice 
floes. Adelies first return to their home 
colony at an average age of three years. 

Sources: 

Ainley, D. G. (2002). The Adelie 
Penguin: Bellwether of Climate 
Change. New York: Columbia 
University Press. 

Gould, L. M. (1999). December 23, 
1999. Retrieved February 1, 2004, from 
Antarctica 2(X)0 website: 

http://www.antarctica2(X)0.net/palme 
r/joumal6/12 23 99.html 

Lynch, W. (1997). Penguins of the 
World. Willowdale, ON, Canada: 
Firefly Books Ltd. 

Muller-Schwarze, D. (1984). The 
Behaviour of Penguins: Adapted to Ice 
and Tropics. Albany: State University 
of New York Press. 

Naveen, Ron. (1999). Waiting to Fly: 
My Escapades with the Penguins of 
Antarctica. New York: William 
Morrow and Company. 

Williams, T. D. (1995). The 
Penguins: Spheniscidae. New York: 
Oxford University Press. 




YOU'RE NEVER TOO YOUNG 
TO START A BUSINESS. 

Have you heard about Summer Company? It's an Ontario government Just go to wvvw.ontariocanada.com/summercompany or call 

progranri for full-time students aged 15-29. You could get up to 1-800-387-5656. See how we're bringing the entrepreneurial 

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This advertisement is paid for by the Government of Ontario. 




Ontario 



12 Monday, March 29, 2004 



The Medium 



Sports 



Lady Eagles basketball team takes St. George to the wire 



the second half after the Blue team had 
jumped into a 14 point lead. The Blue 
team committed fouls early in the second 
half and UTM was shooting 1 and 1 
bonus foul shots at the 12 minute mark of 
the second half and was blessed with 
double bonus with about eight minutes 
left. 

After UTM had crept back within 10 

points a time-out was called by the UTM 

coaches. Head Coach Krist explained 

that the Blue team's fouling was going to 

get UTM back in the game as they would 

be scoring without the clock running. 

Assistant Coach Stephanie Kishimoto 

asked all the players to "dig in deep on 

defense and tough it out". The time-out 

worked as the UTM team came out on 

fire for the last 8 minutes of the half. 

Vukic put the team on her back and went 

5 for 5 from the foul line down the 

stretch. On the defensive end, Shelley 

Roque and Vanessa Centofante forced 

many turnovers 

on the press. 

Post players, 

Lindsey Sones 

and Van de 

Ven controlled 

the defensive 

glass. 

With less. 

than one 

minute left 

UTM pulled to 

within two 

Kiints twice, 

iicluding a 

-lutch baseline 

photo/Darryl Sequeira jump shot by 

UTM's Lindsey Sones battles underneath the basket for a rebound Roque. With 

against a SGB player. The team lost a squeaker 42-39 in the finals. 8.6 seconds 



By J. Swish 

The Women's Tri-Campus Basketball 
team played one of their best games of 
the year last Tuesday in the 
Championship Final vs St. George Blue. 
UTM came into the game well prepared 
and was able to neutralize the high flying 
St. George Blue offense in the first half. 
Excellent team defense and amazing 
work at defending screens allowed UTM 
to hold the Blue squad to only 1 8 first 
half points. However, UTM could not 
really get anything going on offensively 
in the first half and the Blue team led 18- 
14 at the half. Marija Vukic and Steph 
Van de Ven had 4 points each to lead 
UTM. 

The second half saw UTM get off to 
an even slower start on the offensive end 
and the Blue squad adjusted on offense to 
score some easy baskets. In fact, UTM 
scored their first basket 10 minutes into 




left, UTM called a quick time-ouL After 
the time-out, when UTM needed a steal 
the most, the press failed as U of T Blue 
broke free and UTM was only able to 
foul with 3.6 left on the clock. Blue hit 
the first end of a double bonus and 
missed the second. Unfortunately the 
rebound fell in between Sones and a Blue 
player. The two fought for possession as 
the clock ran out. The final score was 
42-39. The loss ended UTM's consecu- 
tive Interfaculty Championship streak at 
eight including last year's championships 
in division one during the fall session and 
Tri-Campus in the winter term. 

"We had an excellent practice the 
night before the game and went over all 
the plays St. George was going to run on 
us", said Coach Krist after the game. "It 
was our best game of the year and the 
entire team played amazing. I am proud 
of the way we played, a lesser team 
would have thrown in the towel after not 
scoring for ten minutes in the second and 
being 14 points down," added Krist. 

Coach Kishimoto knew the team 
could come back and never gave up 
hope. The one weakness the team had all 
season was foul shooting. It came back to 
haunt them again in this game and 
despite Vukic" s 5 for 5 from the line, the 
team still shot 50 per cent or 9 for 18 
from the line. 

UTM scoring was as follows: Vukic 
led UTM with 13 pts. Van de Ven 10 pts, 
Sones 6 pts. Roque 5 pts and Sommer 
Blackman with Ipt. There were 4 points 
unaccounted for on the score sheet and 
they could have been scored by other key 
team members who played an outstand- 
ing game for UTM: Chris Gonyou, 
Negar Tootoonchian, Vanessa 



Centofante, Linda Williams, Nancy 
Couture and Diana Kwong. All UTM 
players contributed from the bench and 
on the floor in the final. The team spirit 
and cheering from the bench really moti- 
vated the players on the court to step up 
their games! 

This year's team was a nice mix of 
veterans and rookies. UTM will lose 
two fourth year veterans Chris Gonyou 
and Marija Vukic. However, this year 
the team added 4 key rookies: Sommer 
Blackman, Vanessa Centofante, Negar 
Tootoonchian and Nancy Couture. The 
team hopes these rookies will return 
next year stronger and UTM will be 
able to replace Vukic' s scoring with vet- 
eran players like Steph Van de Ven and 
Lindsey Sones. Van de Ven's play in 
the play-offs was incredible; she 
showed signs of being a top scorer on 
the team as she averaged 15 points a 
game. Sones 
was her steady 
self at centre 
anchoring the 
defense and 
adding six 
points a game 
on offense. 
These two key 
veterans, the 
other returnees 
and a few from 
a new freshman 
class will form 
a team in hopes 
of regaining the 
Interfaculty 
Basketball Title 
in the 2004- 
2005 season. 




photos/Darryi Sequeira 
UTM's Vanessa Centofante (22), Shelley Roque (5), and Lindsey Sones 
(behind) swarni an SGB player in the hopes of retrieving a rebound. 
Congratulations to the team and coaches for a great season. 



ECSL^^ Erindale College 
Student Union Ne'ws and Notes 

ECSU ELECTIONS 

Voting will take place in South and 

North Building on March 31^^ and 

April 1'^ 

Come out and vote and choose your 

leaders of tomorrow 



Kiu.aKniiii 

For The ECSU Elections 
On March 31 and April 1 2004 



Drop Off Your Resume At ECSU 

Or Email It To: 

vpadmin@ecsu - online . org 



Clubs Pub Nigbt 

April 6^^ a t 6pm at the Blind DuckPub 

All club members and executives are 

invited to attend. 

Find out what club was voted best 

club for 2003-2004!!!! 



Clubs-Volunteer 
Recognition Ceremony 

The ceremony will be held in the Student 
Centre on March 30^^ at 4:30pm. Come 
support the students the gave their time 
to help make UTM a better place/ 



If you are graduating and want 
to be on the class of 2004 Grad 

Composite, come to the ECSU 
office and get your picture 
taken. SPACE IS LIMITED 



Sports 



Monday, March 29, 2004 13 



Battle of the "Bonds" for title 



By Cheryl Penfold 

This week's semi-final playoff 
matches were two very exciting and 
close games. Tuesday's match up 
saw the second place Blade Breakers 
take on the third place Bond Girls. 
The Blade Breakers jumped out first 
with a rifling shot by Tiffany Low 
Foon, tipped in by Chris Mayers who 
was waiting on the doorstep. Minutes 
later, Cheryl Penfold of the Bond 
Girls responded back with a bank in 
shot from behind the net off the 
Breakers defensemen. Both teams 
had numerous offensive chances, but 
they were denied by the stellar goal- 
tending of Jenn Chapman and Nazia 
Khan. With less than, five minutes 
left in the first half, the Blade 
Breakers were able to extend their 
lead with another goal by Chris 
Mayers, her eighth of the year. 
However, in a weird setting off the 
face, Penfold slipped the puck to 
Natalie Ng, who blasted a shot from 
half through the five hole of 
Chapman to tie the game 2-2 at the 
end of the fu-st half. 

The second half proved to be just 
as exciting as both teams were storm- 
ing the net at full force, but both 
goaltenders kept their teams in the 
game. With only minutes left in the 
game, the Bond Girls scored one 
again as Diana Kwong's shot 
bounced off Chapman's pads and Ng 
picked up the rebound. Despite the 
offensive drive by the Blade Breakers 
Carrie Rai and Mayers, they were 
unable to slip another one past the 
outstanding goaltending by Khan, 
who went on to help her team win the 
game 3-2 and secure themselves a 



spot in the championship. 

In Thursday's semi-final match up, 
the first place Bond Hunters took on 
the fourth place Free Agents. The 
Bond Hunters were first on the score- 
board as Keira Madden passed the 
ball up to her captain Claire 
Pinsonnault who rifled a shot passed 
the Free Agents Stella Cheng. 
However, the Free Agents answered 
back with a goal of their own. Their 
leading scorer Silvia Barreto received 
a pass from Heather Sabiston and 
fired a low shot past the Hunters' 
goaltender Megan Aleven. Heading 
into the second half with the game 
tied at 1-1, both teams came out 
ready to take their game to the next 
level. The Free Agents' consistent 
battle in front of the net paid off as 
Danielle Norton banked in a rebound 
off of Barreto' s shot to give her team 
a 2-1 lead. 

Unfortunately they were unable to 
keep this lead. The Bond Hunters' 
dominant 
offence 



game tied at 2-2 and time ticking 
down, both teams had many scoring 
opportunities but were denied by the 
excellent goaltending of Cheng and 
Aleven. With the Bond Hunters' frus- 
tration growing after being stoned 
numerous times by Cheng, they were 
eventually able to slip one past her as 
Jessica Frutti passed the ball across 
the floor to Pinsonnault who roofed it 
top shelf on Cheng. The Bond 
Hunters went on to win the game 3-2 
and are scheduled to face their rivals, 
the Bond Girls, in the final next 
week. 

Player of the Week: 
Claire Pinsonnault 

Tues. March 30 @ 8 a.m. 

The Bond Hunters vs The Bond Girls 

All-$4ar <iain« 

Thurs. Apr. 1 @ 8 a.m. 




photo courtesy of Cheryl Penfold 
out Cheng, jhe Bond Girls and Bond Hunters square off in the finals of the 
With the women's ball hockey intramural league on March 30 at 8 a.m. 



Whalers dominate finals 



By Cory Alexander 

The finals came and went and 
the excitement did not fail to dis- 
appoint as the Whalers met the 
Sloppy Stick Handlers to deter- 
mine the champions of division 
two ball hockey. 

Looking to prove his MVP 
potential, the Whalers Chris 
Jackson's excitement got the better 
of him and he was ejected for an 
errant punch. Picking up the slack 
was perennially unsung hero Vince 
Cheng, who scored three big goals. 

Unquestionably he was the MVP 
of the game. Sloppy Stick 
Handler's Cyrus Zahiri and Jeff 
Ham put forth impressive efforts, 



and Kevin Lee's deadly shots 
struck fear into the Whalers all 
night, but WLR goalie Matt 
Carrier would have none of it. The 
final score was 4-0, and the 
Whalers savored their victory, a 
great story for the grunts who join 
the league every year and finally 
win near the end of their stay at 
UTM. 

Div. II - Tuesday @ 10:30 a.m. 
Div. I vs. Div. II @ 2:30 p.m. 
Div. I All Star Game @ 4 p.m. 

Prediction: All signs point to a 
H20 boyz victory, but hey, maybe 
the Whalers can cheat their way to 
a victory. 



CLUBS • 


For the week of Mar.29-Apr.2/04 

CLUB PUB - April 6 from 6- 8p.m. to announce Club of the 

Year! All executives and members of ECSU Clubs are 

welcome. Pizza on first come, first serve basis. 

Forensics Club vi/ould like to remind you that their second 

Murder Mystery takes place on Tuesday, March 30, starting 

at 5:45p.m. This event is free for members and 

non-members alike, but do not forget your invitations. 

PAUSE presents a short talk on Alzheimer's by Cheryl 

Graham. Pizza will be served. No charge- all are welcome! 

Tuesday March 30 at 5p.m. happening in the Board Room of 

the Student Centre. 

Meditation Seminar- Last chance of the year to relax with 

PAUSE and Dr. Jeff! Wednesday March 31.5- 6:30p.m. 

Room2037SB. Free for PAUSE members, 

$2 non-members. 


CORNER 


CLUBS < 


i 




University of Toronto at Mississauga 

Centre for Physical Education, Athletics and Recreation 

905-828-3714 www.utm.utoronto.ca/physed email: ath@ utm.utoronto.ca 



Men's4on4Crosscourt 

March Madness 
Basketball Tournament 

■ Friday, April 2, 2004 
11:00 a.m. -4:45 p.m. 
- UTM Gym 

Registration on Friday, April 2 from 
»■ 10:00 - 10:30 a.m. in the gym 

Men's and Women's Divisions 
Pro and Couch Potato Divisions 

6 players per team max. 
4 IM points per team 



MEN'S BALL HOCKEY 
GAME FOR CHARITY 

COME OUT AND WATCH THE BAHLE OF 
THE MEN'S BALL HOCKEY CHAMPIONS 

All proceeds go to the 
BIG BROTHER'S OF PEEL! 

Division 1 Champs H20 Boyz vs 
Division 2 Champs Whalers 

Tuesday, March 30 
Game starts at 2:15 p.m. 

Only $1.00 to watch the game! 



See you at the Athletic Banquet on Friday, April 2! 
Contact UTMAC for tickets! 



14 Monday, March 29, 2003 



The Medium 






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1325 Egiinton Ave East in 

Mississauga 

905-625-1078 




The Balls pf the Univofsity of Toronto @ 'Sauga 




Volume 2 Issue 2 



February 30, 2020 



Peace made between SAC and ECSU 



By Glen 'All Right' Quagmire 

Peace was made between UTM's two 
competing student governments last 
week. In a move that shocked many 
across campus, the head honchos of the 
Erindale College Student Union 
(ECSU) and the Students' 
Administrative Council (SAC) came 
together in an unprecedented show of 
diplomacy and cooperation between the 
two organizations. 

At a press conference held at the 
Blind Duck Pub, ECSU President Adil 
F. Mirza and SAC VP Gengiz Seyhun 
stood side-by-side while announcing an 
agreement made between the two to 
combine resources of their respective 
councils to better serve students at 
UTM. Details of the new agreement 
will be announced next week, but 
rumours have it that a dntstic reorgani- 
zation of the strucnare and operating of 
the two governments is expected. 

The announcement last week consist- 
ed of a speech by both candidates fol- 
lowed by a provocative ceremony. 
Called. "Turning on the Love," the cere- 
mony consisted of each candidate strip- 
ping down to their underwear and per- 
forming an official tweaking of the 
other man's nipples. The tweak of the 
nipple - which involves a distinctive 
twisting motion - is representative of 
each man turning on the other's heart; 
hence the title, "Turning on the Love." 

"When I tweaked his nipple I knew 
that a new age of cooperation between 
SAC and ECSU had begun," Seyhun 
said. 

Asked exactly how he felt when 
touching Mirza's nipple, Seyhun 
responded, 

"Standing there in our underwear, it 
was kinda cold. I was surprised and 
delighted to find that Adil's nipple was 
subtle in texture yet slightly erect. It was 
like the nipple itself was aware of the 
significance of this event." 

After their nipples had been tweaked, 
Seyhun and Mirza walked through the 
crowd in their sparse clothing. They 
shook hands, answered questions, spoke 
with the media, and sipped lightly from 
glasses of while zinfandel. The pair 




photo/Papa Razzi 
It's a titty bit nipply in here! Sporting some sexy stockings, Adil gets his nipple 
twisted by his good ole pal, Gengiz. Way to come thru with a pinch boys! 



appeared visibly at ease and happy with 
one another's presence; this being in 
stark opposition to the unspoken tension 
felt in previous months. With a sly 
wink, Seyhun reached under Mirza's 
arm as he was taking a drink and gave 
his nipple a hearty twist. 

"Oh it tickles when you do that, you 
thilly thailor!" Mirza said. 

Students present at the pub seemed 
either joyous or puzzled. 

"I think it's amazing that these two 
men came together, stripped to their 
undies, tweaked some nipples, and 
managed to smooth over relations 
between their organizations," said 



fourth year drama student Ryan 
Acheson. "Not only that, but that ECSU 
guy looked pretty good in that garter 
belt. Hot Dainn!" 

Another student who identified her- 
self only as Johanna was more enthusi- 
astic about food than she was about nip- 
ples. 

"I need to eat, my blood sugar is low. 
They serve food at this pub special 
vending machine called the 

"Giver' Rubber," the condoms will 
be available at high-sex areas around 
campus including the Fireplace 
Lounge in the student centre, the 



Turn page or face death by chi chi 



What's 



Inside 



Personals 



ECSU does what? 





Sexual Chocolate B 1 3 

"Beer changes your life" 
-Pooja 



New tree engineered by 
UTM scientists grows 
newspapers instead of 
leaves 



(FYI: this is a cheesy tabloid headline) 



By Kerab NaIrda 

While money may not grow on 
trees, the newspaper you are holding 
does. A group of scientists at UTM 
unveiled a scientific breakthrough 
recently that will bring a whole new 
meaning to the term, "Broken golf 
carts are a handicapped gopher's best 
friend." 



Using a cutting edge method of 
gene-ink splitting, the scientists have 
successfully cloned a tree that grows 
newspapers instead of leaves. UTM's 
campus newspaper. The 2nd Larue. 
has been involved in the project from 
the earliest stages, and will become 
the first printed publication in the 

Turn the page, all the cool kids are doin it... 



Aramark unveils host 
of new campus services 



By Amanda Rubntug 

UTM's primary service provider, 
Aramark, has announced that it will 
expand its operations on the UTM 
campus. Despite being the centre of 
controversy this year, the company 
issued a press release stating it has 
intentions to expand and diversify the 
services available to students and staff 
of Erindale College. 

"We realize that food service is very 
important to students. We also realize 
that UTM is a diverse campus, and that 
is why we are making our services as 
diverse as possible to better serve our 
customers," said Betsy Sputnik, the 
Aramark manager on campus. 

The new services being offered are 
not in line with Aramark's traditional 
campus offerings, which centre around 
food service. According to the press 
release, this was done on purpose. 

"Aramark as a company is trying to 
expand the diversity of services we can 
offer. The new services at UTM are 
simply a smaller reflection of our com- 
pany wide diversification strategy," the 
press release said. 

The three most notable additions to 
Aramark services on campus are an 
escort-dispensing vending machine, 
flavoured condoms, and medicinal 
marijuana. 

One of the more drastic additions to 
Aramark's service line-up is a new 
vending machine prototype. Called, the 
"Love Dispenser 40(X)," the prototypes 
distributes male and female escorts to 
love-sick UTM students. The Love 
Dispenser has already proved a suc- 
cess, with all ten female escorts selling 
out in a matter of 45 seconds. There 
was slighdy less demand for the male 



escorts, but after 15 minutes the 
machine was sold out of them as well. 

"I'm so happy to have finally found a 
quick lay. ..I mean true love! And it 
only cost me a couple hundred bucks. 
This is way better than Internet dating, 
think of the money I'll save!" said 
Jason Nichols before eagerly leading 
his date, Miranda away to his office in 
the student centre. 

Students concerned with the welfare 
of the escorts inside the machines need 
not worry. The escorts all volunteered 
for the position, and many cite distinct 
advantages over traditional escort ser- 
vices. Patrick Hare, the last male escort 
to be purchased from the machine had 
much to say on the issue. 

"I want to thank Aramark for giving 
me the chance to whore myself out in a 
.safe and clean manner. I used to work 
the mean streets of Etobicoke, and let 
me tell you that wasn't pleasant," Hare 
said. "People without enough money to 
pay for my services would always try 
and trick me into turning a trick. With 
the Love Dispenser 4000, the most that 
people without money can do to me is 
bang and lick on the glass while I sit 
safely inside." 

Aramark has also unveiled other ser- 
vices in conjunction with the Love 
Dispenser 4000. From now on, male 
and female students will have access to 
a wide variety of flavoured condoms. 
Available through a right? What can I 
get for 83 cents?" 

The ceremonious nipple-tweak is 
based on an ancient tradition. In the 
late 1600s, a rebellious group of 
British settlers broke ties with the 
large group of pioneers they had 



Simon says turn the fuckln'page 




liliiiiu Jonr.i Cockman 
This young lady is lookin' for love. ..and it looks like she |ust found it! The 
handsom devil being released from the 'Love Dispenser 4000' is Patrick 
Hare, the last of ten male escorts to be sold out within fifteen minutes. 



^ 



mnnnnv mauiES 






■^MM 




2 Monday, February 30, 2020 



The Large 



Drugs, sex, and prophylactics 



Dis be da back comin atcha from da front 

games room in the pub, all phases of res- 
idence, and certain secluded hallways 
and stairwells throughout the South 
Building. 

At least one UTM student is grateful' 
for the condoms, and not for the reason's 
one might think. 

"I have been an advocate for 
flavoured condoms being available on 
campus for some time now" said third 
year economics student, Kristian 
Luciani. "What many students don't real- 
ize is that there are people out there who 
cannot chew gum due to allergies. I am 
one of these jjeople. Should I be denied a 
tasty, chewing snack just because I am 
allergic to gum? The bookstore sells 
gum, but not condoms. Now thanks to 
Aramark, I can look forward to a 
yummy, chewy snack between classes." 
Among the flavours being offered are 
cherry, apple, orange, salmon, buffalo 
chicken ranch, fruit explosion, hummus, 
and Tim Morton's Coffee." 

Some of the new Aramark services 
have been developed in conjunction with 
U of T. When SARS threatened to 
become an epidemic last Spring, the uni- 
versity hastily implemented poUcy that 
would allow students to be fully excused 
from exams without academic penalty if 
they displayed any signs of the disease. 

In keeping with this policy and new 
medical marijuana legislation passed in 
Canadian Parliament, Aramark wiU now 
offer medical marijuana to needy UTM 
students. According to the company's 
press release, "any student displaying 
one or more of the identified symptoms 
will be granted access to a highly potent 
strain of cannabis sativa to help alleviate 
their symptoms." The press release went 
on to list the symptoms as coughing, 
sneezing, genital itching, body odor, and 
excessive blinking. 

While the availability of the wonder 
drug has been hailed by many bleary- 
eyed students across campus, certain 



groups have accused Aramark of con- 
spiring to sell more food. 

"I can't believe students and the uni- 
versity are letting this happen at UTM. It 
is so painfully obvious that this is an evil 
ploy by Aramark to boost their sales," 
said Jan Maw. director of residence hfe. 
"Don't you see? All these stoners run- 
ning around campus are going to get the 
munchies? And to satisfy their cravings 
they're going to go to Pizza Pizza, Pita 
Pit, or Tim Morton's... all of which are 
outlets operated by Aramark." 

Conspiracy theories aside, the first 
recipierUs of the weed to feed their sick 
need are outraged by the comments 
made against Aramark. 

"The fact that someone would criti- 
cize Aramark for being compassionate 
to others is just... hey this textbook is 
really trippin me out man. Statistics? Ya 
I like to eat bean burritos on 
Wednesdays. And no, I don't believe 
Moby Dick was a whale, he was a giant 
can of tuna with wings man! WITH 
WINGS!" said one red-eyed student 
puffing on a marijuana cigarette in tront 
of the campus police station. Asked to 
re-phrase the incomprehensible drivel he 
had just spewed forth, the student 
responded by saying. 

"My spoon is too big! Cheetos! 
Cheetos! Cheetos! Everybody dance! Yo 
I'm just messin with you man. This 
hydro is really trippin me out you know? 
Shit is dotn stuff. Not like you and me 
are doin' stuff though, shit is doin' differ- 
ent stuff. Like that song were that guy 
sings about shit. ..know what I mean 
boss? But shiiiaaat, that ain't no izzle ma 
fizzle de la tizzle, bizzle. ..." 

At this point, the student's speech was 
cut short by campus police. Having 
looked up from their TV monitors, offi- 
cers of campus police decided the stu- 
dent constituted a 'suspicious looking 
character,' and proceeded to ask him 
politely to leave campus or else they 
would call the real pohce. 



Our paper may be called, Th 

world to be grown from trees. Like 
leaves, once the newspapers wiU decom- 
pose if left on the ground. 

The new printing process should alle- 
viate the concerns of students who felt 
publication of The 2nd Large was an 
environmental concern. Minister of the 
Environment for the Students' 
Administrative Council (SAC), Aubrey 
Iwaniw, is responsible for advocating for 
a greener campus. In keeping with her 
role, she expressed concern about the 
environmental impact of The 2nd 
Large. Asked what she thought of the 
new printing tree, Iwaniw responded, 
"Carebear count down, 4-3-2-1 !" 

Asked if she could put this into a 
more coherent statement for the benefit 
of readers, Iwaniw stated, 

"I love trees. They are big and green 
and special. Birds and squirtels live in 
trees, and some trees have their own 
super-special loving family. Give a tree 
a hug!" 

Mead scientist of the group. Dr. Guy 
Bastard, spoke on the processes used to 
create the tree. 

"The secret is in arranging the genes 
of the tree to match the ink patterns on 
the paper that make up the words and 
images" Dr. Bastard said. "In our initial 
test phases, we could not sync up the 
genes and the ink. The tree would grow 
the paper but the words would make no 
sense at all. It was pretty funny. The 
phrases written were complete and utter 
bullshit and made no sense. Stuff like 
'Registrar works hard,' 'U of T is a great 
university,' 'Campus Police solve 
crimes,' 'The shuttle bus is comfortable,' 
and 'America has a viable foreign policy.' 

Business Manager of 77ie 2nd Large. 
Romano Bigjerk, was overjoyed at the 
cost savings his organization will derive 
from the new printing method. 

"Goody goody gum drops! I'm so 
happy I could shit....opps, too late for 
that now! Ha! More money for me! 
Those greedy sonofabitch editors aren't 
going to get a single dime of it. Moo HA 
ha HA ha HA ha HA!" 



e Large, but our headlines are really, really, really, reaiiy. s 



mall. 




Here be the tree that done make our paper good. Ain't it perrty? 



photo/Lucky Click 



The Learians are coming 



Straight from the frontpage, sucks!!! 

been traveling with. Setting out on 
their own, they eventually settled in 
the vast expanse of wilderness that 
today is the vast expanse of suburbia, 
Mississauga. 

The group called themselves the 
Learians, after their eccentrit spiritu- 
al leader, Lear. Lear told his follow- 
ers that a magic race of leaf people 
would join them and together they 
would mate and create a race of leafy 
green people called Greople. 

After several years of waiting, no 
Leaf people arrived, and the Learians 
were forced to repeatedly mate with 
each other to assure the survival of 
their group. The results of continuous 
in-breeding left Learian descendants 
with a wide variety of developmental 
defects. At first, the defects were 
small but as generations continued to 
practice incestual breeding, the 
Learian people gradually lost their 
ability to function as normal human 
beings. 

To this day, some scientists claim 



that certain people alive today are 
distant relatives of the Learians. 
UTM psychology professor and resi- 
dent hippie musician. Dr. Jeff, com- 
mented on the presence of Learians 
in contemporary society. 

"Whether or not there are people 
alive today that are decendants of the 
Learians is a hotly debated topic. 
Some scientists scoff at the idea, 
whereas others, like myself, feel very 
strongly that it holds true" Dr. Jeff 
said. In my experience, psychoanaly- 
sis is the best way to evaluate 
whether a person has Learian roots. 
Some of the clean signs that a person 
descended from the Learians are an 
inability to form coherent sentences, 
a homely appearance, and an astro- 
nomically high level of ignorance 
towards anything and everything." 

US President George W. Bush has 
long been suspected of being a 
Learian descendant. As is Michael 
Jackson. Rosie O'Donnell, Jack Krist, 
Tie Domi, Paris Hilton, Mike Tyson, 
and Tom Green. 



(^ cj 7*/ V ersonals 



It's no secret that a politician's life can be a lonely one. All those long hours spent toiling over that next campaign speech, planning that next pub event, or watching the latest episode of Strongbad leaves 
very little time for love. For all the hard work and dedication that the Erindale College Student Union puts into the UTM campus and community, you might expect potential suitors to be banging on the 
glass walls of their office. Sadly, this is not the case. Eligible bachelors and bachelorettes at UTM are too busy studying for tests, running between classes, or waiting in line for coffee to notice the lonely 
desperation that plagues their elected officials. Citizens of UTM, give back to those who have given you so much. Take a quick browse over the photos and profiles below. If you see one you like, say hello 
to them around campus Open your hearts and, if you are so inclined, you pants to this diverse grab-bag of loveable politicans we call ECSU. 



Pooja - VP Adhoc 



Sean - VP Feeble 



Adil - Picadilly 




Hello Men! Everybody thinks 
I'm such a nice, sweet girl. That 
may be true, but the last thing I'm 
looking for in a guy is .some .sensi- 
tive looser. I'm into bad boys. Do 
you have a criminal record? Ever 
held up a bank? Can you cru.sh a 
beer can on your forehead? Does 
the term 'hard work' mean run- 
ning from the police instead of 
driving? If you answered yes to 
any of the above questions, I want 
to hear from you! 

Some things that turn me on are 
piercings, tattoos, body mods, 
scars, stab woods, embedded bul- 
lets, missing apendegcs, welfare 
cheques, and mohawks. 

My ultimate fantasy is to date a 
guy in a motorcycle gang. If this 
sounds like you, then I want to 
hop on your Harley and rumble 
off into the sunset! 




Greetings Earthlings! My name 
is Sean Luke Dickhard, and I am 
the captain of the Starship 
E.C.S.U. Erindale. The ongoing 
mission of me and my half- 
cyborg, half-human, half-alien 
crew is to fight for the freedom of 
.students across the galaxy. If you 
are looking for advernture and are 
open to sci-fi role playing, I invite 
you on a journey like never 
before. Join me on my star ship as 
we battle Kingons, Raelians, 
Clones, and York students in a 
fight to the death, or my bedtime, 
whichever comes first. 

Some things that I look for in a 
woman include fluency in alien 
languages, powers of the force, 
pointy ears, and ninja fighting 
skills. 

You can contact me by calling 
my space phone at 1.24.'^?w_ — * 




For the last few years of my life, 
I have had relationships with both 
women and men. One thing was 
always constant, and that was that 
something was missing from both. 
I've finally realized what I have 
been doing wrong. I want the best 
of both worlds and now I know 
how to get it. 

Are you a lonely transsexual? A 
shemale? A chick with a dick? 
Then baby you are for me! I find 
something really sexy about a 
woman with a man's equipment. 

If we were to meet, I'd like to 
alternate our tiine between male 
and female activities. We'll bake 
cookies and repair vintage cars, go 
tanning and get into drunken bar 
fights. ..the best 'o both worlds. 
I'm tellin ya it's gonna be great, 
you'll see, just get in touch with 
me! 



Jason - Special Child 



Kat - Carnie Coordinator 




Let me be perfectly honest...! am 
desperate. I have no standards what- 
soever. I will date anyone or any- 
thing. I believe very strongly in 
equality, and as a result of this I won't 
discriminate against anyone who 
wants to go out with me. Are you a 
girl, guy, squirrel, tree, watermellon, 
bicycle, or stuffed teddy bear? If so, 
you may be the one I am looking for. 

My longest relationship to date was 
with a blow-up doll I stole from 
S.E.C. We were in love and were 
even going to get married. . .until she 
blew up when I tried to slip the 
engagement ring on her finger. This 
loss hurt me very deeply, and it has 
taken me the last 1 8 years to regain 
my emtional .stability. But my love 
for Jenna is in the past, and I am 
looking forward to a future with 
you. . .whoever or whatever you may 
be. 




Hello out there in dating land! 
I'm not one for small talk, so I'll 
tell you just what I'm looking for. 
From my years working as a 
trapeze assistant in the circus, I 
dated a lot of different guys, but 
one kind in particular was always 
the best for me. That kind of guy 
is midgets, midgets, midgets! 

I find something irresistable 
about a man of small stature. I'm 
looking to connect with small 
men of all kinds, be they midgets, 
dwarves, horse jockeys, 
Strongbads, pygmies, smurfs or 
otherwise. 

It's funny, some people say that 
big things come in small pack- 
ages. That is true, but from my 
experience, small guys carry with 
them some mighty big packages! 

Oh and Minnie Me, if you're 
reading this, gimme a call babe! 



The Large 



Monday, February 30, 2020 1 5 



Fascinating study reveals benefits of sexual vigor 



By James Walker 

Lifting weights with 

your penis can improve 

sexual performance 

With many males out there 
looking for the right amount of 
stamina during their interludes 
with their mates, researchers at 
Rock Hard University have found 
that resistance training for your 
penis can improve a variety of 
things such as stamina, size, and 
shape. 

Project leader Dr. Hung Lo stat- 
ed that doing "penis extensions" 
have improved sexual performance 
for 90 per cent out of a sample of 
1200 males aged 12-19. Dr. Lo, 
who suffered from premature ejac- 
ulations his whole life, said that 
doing approximately 20-30 repeti- 
tions at low weight lengthened his 
penis and allowed him to increase 
his virility. 

In another sample of males aged 
45-92, Dr. Lo and his crack 
research team found that "penis 
curls" help develop that thick, 
short, stocky look that some males 
are interested in. 

Dr. Lo recommends exercising 
your penis 3 times daily and sug- 
gests a "lateral penis swing" to 
keep it toned and limber. He is 
currently developing a workout 
regiment for males that will be 
endorsed by celebrities. Dr. Lo 
also is tending to the female popu- 
lation by compiling a pectoral 
perkiness program which guaran- 
tees 100 per cent customer satis- 
faction. 

New Study: How to Get 
Those Perfect Abs 

A new study has concluded that 
consuming unusually large por- 
tions of food can cause you to 
develop a perfect six-pack. Up 
until now it was held that large 



portions of food and overeating 
were among some of the causes of 
obesity. Now, however, the con- 
ductors of this study state that the 
internal stomach action created by 
eating actually strengthens and 
tones the abdominal muscles to 
give perfect definition. Health 
experts from all over the country 
have been seen flocking to fast 
food places like "Greasy 
McDonald's", "Mr. Kentucky's 
Dirty Birds", and "Gooey Pizzas 
For All" in an effort to be the first 
to take advantage of this new 
trend. Economists predict that this 
discovery will revolutionize both 
the fitness and the restaurant 
industry. 

Physical Activity Blamed 
For Rise in Worlcer Apathy 

The CEG of the American 
University for Sports Medicine 
(AUSM) said today in a press 
release that Physical Activity was 
the leading cause for worker apa- 
thy in Canada. He went on to say 
that "exercising makes people 
tired. That's all there is to it!" 
Recent surveys have indicated that 
a majority of people are tired after 
any kind of exertion, including 
walking. Based on these results, 
the Canadian Commission on 
Health and 

Fitness is recommending that 
you do as little as possible to con- 
serve energy for more important 
things. The Copper Workers 
Union of North America 
(CWUNA), reacting to a recent 
decrease in productivity, is impos- 
ing restrictions on exercise so that 
workers will have more time for 
real work. Additionalfy,' the" 
Federal Government is consider- 
ing a bill that will shut down all 
so-called "Health Clubs", replace 
all sidewalks with movators, and 
generally restrict all unnecessary 
physical activity. It is hoped that 



these measures will eventually 
cause the Canadian Dollar to 
become more powerful than the 
US Dollar, and eventuallythe 
British Pound. 

Having Sex Causes 
Muscle Deterioration 

Doctor Jimmy Williker, a 
renowned physician and part time 
gynecologist with a PhD in sexer- 
cisology, has conducted a study 
examining the relationship 
between sex and exercise. Results 
of the study are the same for males 
and females, and indicate that 
every time the body experiences 
an orgasm, a certain quantity of 
muscle mass is consumed. The 
study examined all forms of sexual 
activity, and found that the results 
were the same regardless of the 
circumstances. Dr. Williker has 
suggested that anybody truly seri- 
ous about bodybuilding or sport- 
specific training refrain from all 
types of sexual activity. He points 
out that for these individuals, sex 
is counterproductive, and suggests 
that anyone interested in seeking a 
cure for uncontrollable sexual 
urges should consider anti-depres- 
sants. Professor of Anthropology 
and History at the University of 
Etobicoke, Karen Makeitup, 
explains that the catabolism of 
muscles after orgasm is the result 
of natural selection — an evolution- 
ary adaptation that allowed only 
the strongest individuals to have a 
good chance of reproducing. She 
points out that the weaker individ- 
uals in the community would only 
be able to engage in sexual activi- 
ty a few times before their muscles 
atrophied and they fell victim to 
predators. She explains that the 
rise of the state allowed the weak- 
er individuals in the community to 
flourish, and adds that this evolu- 
tionary characteristic in humans 
has become redundant. 




photos/lvana Tinkle 
UTM fitness guru Jimmy 'Sexual Chocolate' Walker had a momentary break- 
down and succumbed to his weakness of chocolate cake. Paparazzi swarmed 
the Walker residence and photographed these candid shots of Walker as he 
downed his third slice of cake in less than 30 seconds. Walker has since 
checked himself into rehab. 



Waterboyz repeat as ball hockey champs 



By Matthew Carrier 

This week saw the Penguins and the 
Watertxiyz go head to head, in a winner 
take all match for the Division I title. The 
Watertxjyz are the defending champions 
and have high hopes of repeating. The 
Penguins on the other hand, have been 
under-estimated all year, and plan on 
dethroning the undefeated Waterboyz. 
The Penguins started out at a disadvan- 
tage as they had three fewer players then 
the Waterboyz. 

With the stand packed to capacity with 
eager fans, the ball dropped on the open- 
ing face off. The Waterboyz went 
straight on to the offensive. The game got 
off to a rough start, and both teams got 
heavily penalized. There wasn't much 3 
on 3 action during the first half, which 
saw both goalie keep the other team's 
scorers pointless. The Penguins were hit 
the hardest a.s one of their top players, 
Ravi Bhardwaj, was ejected from the 
game, barely 5 minutes in, for getting 
three minor penalties. With their bench 
shortened once again, the penguins need- 
ed to save their energy as anyone could 
see that this game was going to be diffi- 
cult The shots seemed to be one sided a.s 
the Waterboyz fed shot after shot on 
Amelio Malozzi, but the Penguins 
weren't without their chances. With well 
over 30 minutes of penalties called in the 
first half, it's a demonstration of how 
well the goaltenders played. The first half 
ended in a l-l tie. 

The second half started just as the first 
did, with a lot of intensity and the 



Waterboyz on the offensive. But once 
again, Amelio Malozzi was there for the 
penguins. The Penguins were first to 
strike early in the second half That was 
the momentum breaker for the 
Waterboyz as they now were down and 
the penguins were pressing for another. 
They didn't have to wait long. The 
Penguins went up 2-0 as a quick goal, by 
Martin Warych. put the Penguins in a 
good position to win. With time winding 
down, and the pressure building the 
Waterboyz had nothing to lose. They 
went on a full out offensive, which 
proved to be an intelligent move. With 
about 6 minutes left in the game Eddie 
Jurinic put the Waterboyz on the board, 
and within one of the Penguins. This 
game was shaping up ju.st like the regular 
season game between these two teams. In 
that game, the Penguins were up 
2-1 late in the second half and 
the Waterboyz managed to tic 1 1 
up for a 2-2 draw. With exact is 
three minutes left in the game, 
the Waterboyz got a penalty. 
This seemed to be the end of 
their championship hopes, but 
the Penguins got an unsports- 
manlike penalty to even if it. 
With the time getting to the criti- 
cal mark, the Watert)oyz decided 
to pull their goalie for the exU'a 
attacked. The Penguins played 
this situation well, but with less 
then a minute left in regulation 
time the Waterboyz went down photo/Jack Krist 

the left side and scored the tying Waterboyz show off their championship trophy 
goal. The Penguins would sit as they defeated the Penguins 3-2 in OT. 



quietly, as they pushed for the winning 
goal once again. They were unsuccessful, 
and the game ended in a tie. Only five 
minutes of over time was all that kept 
this game from going into a shoot-out. 
With both teams tired and beaten, they 
once again lined up for the opening face- 
off. The game winning goal came just 13 
seconds into the extra period. It was the 
Waterboyz offensive strike that won 
them the game, and successfully defend- 
ed their title. It's a fitting end to a Uemen- 
dous season. 

Now that a division 1 and 2 champion 
has been crowned, it's time for the first 
ever div. one vs. div. two showdown. 
There has always been some tension 
between the two divisions. It is now the 
time to see if the divisions are really that 
different. This year, both champions have 



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gone undefeated, but it is the division 2 
champions that have a perfect record, as 
they won every game they played. The 
Waterboyz have won all their games 
except for one tie. The Whalers, dvision 
2 champions, are on a hot streak as they 
haven't allowed a single goal during their 
championship mn. The Waterboyz how- 
ever have a deeper bench. 

The goal of this game is to raise 
money for Big Brother's of Peel. This 
game may be for charity, but you can be 
sure that both teams will still want to win. 
This is caused by the belief that the 
Whalers should have been a division 1 
team all along. So to see the clash of 
champions and to help out a good cause, 
come attend the game on Tuesday at 2 
p.m. There is a $1 entrance fee, but it is 
well worth it. The game follows the div. 
2 all-star game and precedes the div. 1 
game all-star game. 



Perfect season? 

By Rohit Sethi 

It was a workshop on how to beat 
a" zone in the first half as the UTM 
Eagles flew past Law. The Eagles 
were unstoppable as they didn't 
appear to miss one shot against the 
2-3 zone. Don Lee Pow had an out- 
standing performance as he went on 
to be the leading scorer of the night 
with 21 points and four 3's in the 
first half. UTM as a team hit seven 
3's in the first half. 

It was a good semi-final game 
against Law with a final score of 
79-68. The Eagles are now in the 
finals and are looking for the support 
everyone can offer. So come out and 
support the team, pretend it is the 
ball hockey finals and help fill the 
stands. Game time is at 8:30 p.m. on 
Tuesday, March 30 at UTM. 



The benefits of rowing 



By Justin Woolsey 

Rowing is regarded as an excel- 
lent physical exercise. The physi- 
cal aspects of rowing use a large 
percentage of the body's muscles. 
Rowing provides excellent muscle 
toning and muscle strengthening 
and development as part of an 
overall fitness regime. 

It also provides good aerobic 
exercise assisting blood circulation 
and strong breathing development. 

Rowing is the only Varsity sport 



offered at UTM. After speaking 
with students, very few are 
unaware that UTM even has a 
team. On Wednesday, March 31, 
2004 between 12:30 p.m. and 4:30 
p.m. the UTM Rowing Club will 
be holding an information session 
in the front of the South Building. 
The club will have a boat from the 
Don Rowing Club on display, a 
few rowing machines in operation 
and a video to give students a visu- 
al representation on what to expect 
as a rower. 



1 6 Monday, February 30, 2020 



The Large 



Campus 'Wanna-be Police' Reports Drama students take over and 

set the stage for 2004/05 season 



February 30, 2020 @26:00 - A 90- 
year-old residence student in Phase 
1400 was arrested and charged with 
lewd behavior, public indecency and 
public intoxication. The student stated 
that he was walking by the East 
Building and noticed a pumpkin on 
the ground. The student said he was 
overcome with ravenous desire. "A 
pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, 
and I didn't see any other students in 
sight," he told the wanna-be police 
officer. The student picked up the 
pumpkin, cut a hole in it, and proceed- 
ed to satisfy his alleged need. "It was 
an awkward situation," said Officer 
Peckerhead in an interview with The 
2nd Large. "I walked up to the student 
just as he's working away at this 
pumpkin. I went up and said, 'Excuse 
me, but do you realize that you are 
.screwing a pumpkin?' He was startled 
at first, then he looked me straight in 
the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn, 
is it midnight already?'" 
February 30, 2020@99:-00 - 



Campus Wanna-be Police Officers 
were dispatched to Phase -9 after a 
male student decided to satisfy his 
fantasy of robotic love by seeking 
sexual gratification with his vacuum 
cleaner. The horny student didn't real- 
ize that the suction on his hand-held 
vacuum cleaner was created by a 
blade whirling just beneath the hose 
attachment, adjacent to the collection 
bag. His search for pleasure was cut 
short seconds after he stuck his penis 
into the vacuum and the blade lopped 
off part of his penis. Feeling a sense 
of loss, he reached for his cell phone 
and called Campus Wanna-be Police. 
Surgeons at Credit Hill Hospital 
stopped the bleeding, but were unable 
to reattach the Vi" severed part. The 
student's ability to reproduce has been 
shortened by both his injury and this 
appetite for appliances. 
February 30, 2020 @54:00 - A 
female student called Campus Wanna- 
be Police Officers in distraught. She 
complained that she had been burnt in 



a drug deal. The female student 
claimed that a classmate sold her a 
rock of cocaine, but when she brought 
it home it 'looked like a bag of icing 
sugar.' Campus Wanna-be Police 
called the police department's nar- 
cotics department. The bag of sub- 
stance was tested and confirmed that 
it was indeed cocaine. The female stu- 
dent was arrested for drug possession. 
Police are encouraging anyone who 
thinks they may have been fooled into 
buying fake crack to please come for- 
ward. 

February 30,2020 @400:00 - A male 
student who wanted to commit suicide 
brought a tank of propane into his res- 
idence at Phase 007. He opened the 
stopcock and waited to die. Campus 
Wanna-be Police report the student 
only lost consciousness. Six hours 
later he revived and forgetting the sui- 
cide attempt, lit a cigarette. The 
explosion blew out the windows in 
residence and burned the fact of the 
suicidal smoker. 



The 'Large' of the Day 



No, he's not trying out as 
the sixth memeber of the 
Village People. 
This 'hunka hunka burning 
love' was spotted in the 
Student Centre last Friday 
performing a rendition of 
MC Hammer's 'You Can't 
Touch This.' As you've 
already guessed, there's 
really nothing there to 
touch! 




A female by-stander told 
the 2nd Large that 
female pop-sensation 
Janet Jackson stormed 
into the Student Centre 
and ripped off this poor 
lad's clothing, in retalia- 
tion to Justin 
Timeberlake's titilating 
act at the Super Bowl 
half time show. 
The 2nd Large does not 
confirm nor deny these 
allegations. 



By Inga Biggins 

In a sudden and unforeseen show 
of student power, several Theatre 
and Drama Studies (TDS) students 
took over the office of Patrick 
Young, who serves as both 
Program Coordinator and Artistic 
Director for the program. The inci- 
dent occurred just last Friday and 
students promise a repeat of the 
event if there demands are not 
met. 

"There are many things we want to 
change in the program!" exclaimed 
frustrated student Mick Johnner. 
"We need more free time so we 
don't fail our classes, more say it 
what shows we do, and more pay!" 
Currently, TDS students are not 
paid at all, have no say in Theatre 
Erindale's season line-up and have 
little to no free time. Although this 
is the same in any theatre program, 
students feel it is unfair. 
"Other theatre programs are based 
in colleges where all the students 
are doing is theatre," explained 
Tricia Welden. "We have to do 
university level academics as well 
as the practical work required by 
our Sheridan college component. 
How will I ever get into grad 
school if I don't have time to keep 
my marks up?!?" 

Not all TDS students have grad 
school in mind, however; their 
complaint is largely about the 
plays chosen to showcase student 
talent every year. Many of the 
plays are older pieces and/or set in 
long ago times, which allows stu- 
dents to explore life and characters 
from other time periods. 



"They are really just trying to get 
the blue-hairs into the audience," 
said Leanna Wovebell. "So there 
are lots of old rich people around 
here; so what? That doesn't mean 
you can only do boring old plays 
or adapted literary works!" 
"In the professional world, unless 
you're at Stratford or Shaw, you'll 
be doing contemporary theatre," 
said Cathy Denishawn. "I'm not 
saying give up the classics entire- 
ly, but we need the focus to shift if 
we want our graduates to be pre- 
pared for the real world." 
"And when we do classics, they 
should be Shakespeare!" added 
Adra Protter. "There has never 
been, nor will there ever be a play- 
wright of equal skill. The Bard is 
the best!" 

Young was not in his office when 
the students took it over, and 
could not be reached for comment, 
as he was not in his office to 
answer his phone. Unfortunately, 
his voicemail box was full and no 
message could be left. 
"Oh yeah, we flooded his voice- 
mail with reasons we would be 
late for classes next week," said 
Carrie Johnston, obviously trying 
to suppress her laughter. "We also 
left a few suggestions on what 
plays to do next season." 
Among the suggested works are 
No Exit, Damnee Manon, Sacree 
Sandra, "the play I'm going to 
write this summer about university 
theatre students." The Elephant 
Tribe (collective creation based on 
The White Bone), anything by 
Shakespeare, and Debbie Does 
Dallas: The Musical! 




ECSl/llIBi 



what does ECSU do? 



That's a very good question. We wish we knew. 



Erindale College Student Union 



ECSU Elections 




Come and VOTE for your friends, umm.. we mean, 
' the most qualified individual FOR the job. 
There are so many great candidates running this 
year, like SEAN. 




999 



ADVERTISING DIRECTOR 
NEEDED 

Once again, ECSU Is looking for an Advertising 
Director Please someone take this position. We'll 
pay you double, no triple, no we'll pay you TEN 
TIMES what the others made, just please make 
the ads for The Medium. The deadline's Wednesday. 



^ '-y% 




rue 



LAST PUB 

ECSU's first priority. The Blind Duck. Sure no one shows up, and our service is 
slow, and we're over-priced, and... Okay, so the only reason we're there is 
because we're getting paid. But we still want you to come to the last pub of the 
year Just think, all those people that were at First Pub in September, will be wait- 
ing in the line up for this one too! 




Where To Find Us 

Location: Student Centre, Room 1000 

Office Hours: 9:00 pm to 5:00 am 

(Closed for Tremendous between 12:30 am and 1:30 am) 
Phone: 905.828.5429 

Website: www.ecsu rox.ca 



Erindale Student College Union Council Members 

• President - Adil Mirza (Acclaimed for Life) 

• VP Admin - Position Available 

• "VP Finance - Sean O'Connell (Acclaimed for Life) 

• Clubs Commissioner - Position Available 

• College Affairs Commissioner - Position Available 

• Advertising Director - Position Available 

• Special Projects Director - Position Available 

• Services Coordinator - Position Available